pouring empty pages into dusk

pouring empty pages into dusk

 

 

there was a headline

back in '69

two dead in a flat in London

Sylvia's shadow and her only ray of sunshine

 

towels with a ghost's initials 

under the door,

guilt and envy the double date couple

as Ted's rain continued to fall

 

and then there was one,

and then there was the son

a legacy of intentional demise

a definitive ending to a once promising sunrise

 

with the prologue left

for a clouded soul to write.

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

3/9/19

Reviews

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

So sad so terribly sad tragic
The lines that really got to me the most were....

The verses starting with :

‘Towels with a ghost’s initials ‘
Ending with ‘Ted’s rain continued to fall ‘
Brilliant moving

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Julie,
j.

[Julie McCarthy (juliespenhere)]

No worries Jacob

[Jonathan Ballam]

I like poems that cut to the bone. This one is going in that direction however a few phrases bug me in this write. For example the words intentional, definitive and promising. (On another note please disregard this review if you think I'm too harsh. I know all us writers are attached to current pieces of writing.)

I'll use the word "intentional" to get to the bone I speak of. Did the son make it intentional? Or did Ted's rain play a role here? The word definitive (for me) is problematic too. The main reason for me isn't the meaning of the word, but the four syllables that bulk up the rhythm. "Ray of sunshine" also bugs me because it's cliche.

I'm not trying to rip up your work with a chainsaw, by the way. I've seen your other writing and I know you can do better and this one just requires some fine tuning. These are still your words and ideas...keep going :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your honest review, Jonathan..i appreciate that...although i do choose my words intentionally...and very carefully...
and sometimes disturb the rhythm on purpose to fit theme...not harsh at all...i appreciate what you say....and in previous poem...had split the stanza and was in agreement.

however, here...it is the way i want to keep it.
j.

[gram linski]

Loved the first line and the last two, don't really know the story of Sylvia Plath that well but you tell it with genuine tenderness, a great homage to a great poet,

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this is actually a reference to Ted's second wife...a carbon copy in death as Sylvia...and had their child with her.
thank you for your kind words, gram.
j.

[Ranger Kessel]

I always thought this was a tragic story. You handled it with grace and elegance.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words,
j.

[john l smith]

I had not heard of Sylvia prior to your write
Certainly a sorry situation
I have always felt that artists; painters, writers, poets, actors, etc; react more to emotion than non-artists.
Course I could be wrong but whatever, it is a very difficult situation as many suicides attest to

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, tragic for Sylvia....as well as Ted's second wife...
similar endings, too similar...
read moreyes, tragic for Sylvia....as well as Ted's second wife...
similar endings, too similar...
j.

[Susan 🦋]

Hmmm well, I don't know what the story is behind this piece..but it sure sounds awful. Some sort of tradegy? A family tradegy? Your wording is haunting, but with little background info..just a little lost.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i seldom write about specific instances ---but this is more historical...has to do with the suicide of Ted Hughes' second wife Assia....who committed suicide the same way Sylvia Plath did, and had their daughter with her...yes, such a tragedy...there seemed to be something about Ted!
thank you for your read, Susan.
j.

[Susan 🦋]

:-( unaware who those people are.

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

My graduation year from high school. Her tragedy reached and touched me darkly and forever. You enlighten me with your stark and respectful poem. Detail so vivid, I feel like I was in the room. Perfect, fatal metaphor-“guilt and envy the double date”-Plath’s ‘owl’s talons gripping’ one last time. “Towels with a ghost’s initials..under the door”-yes, she sealed the door between herself and her sleeping children- a mother’s last thought and a child’s ominous legacy. Brilliantly pointed, concise lines, so well-laid. A dirge and a hymn, both. Magnificent work.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Annette.
j.

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

You are most welcome j. The mood of your poem lingers.:))

[Mrudula Rani]

When I first read about Sylvia Plath's bio, for days my heart ached for those children ... later found out that her son Nicholas Hughes hanged himself. Wondered how much of his mother's suicide influenced his desperate end?

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, such tragedy extended...
thank you for your words, Mrudula,
j.

[Neville]

to suggest that you are just too damn good at this game would be selling you short jacob.. its not a game at all is it..
it is far more than that.. it is what puts bread on the table .. it is why we breathe and it is what shall eventually become our personal marker, our legacy .. these well formed words testify to that very principle a great poem sir.... N.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your very kind words, Neville...
yes, i think poetry for some of us is as important as the breaths we take to exist.
j.

[Neville]

I have no doubt whatsoever...
N.

[kentuck14]

J.
I believe you're capable of turning out a chapbook on Sylvia Plath. Maybe even a full book! The life struggles, love and death of Sylvia, and the ghost she left behind!
Go to it man!!!
Tom

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Tom,
j.

[kentuck14]

you're sluffing me off on my suggestion . . . aren't you!!?? Just kidding.
T.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

oh no, sorry...not really, but she has been often included in my books...i just don't think the readers could handle an entire tragic poetic biography of her...too damn depressing...
j.

[kentuck14]

You are probably right!