new currency of old love

new currency of old love

 

 

 

in the substantial woods

of my inner sanctum

the foliage protects my vital interests

and keeps a sane balance in my account

 

i find the red maples remind me of deficits

in spending time with you, 

as autumn arrives in its interim

and then the barren investment that is winter

 

overdraws what emotions i have left

because i have become dense in autonomy

and fail to feel the breeze

that sifts through me 

with such minted memories of you.

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

12/7/18

Reviews

[kentuck14]

This is a poem with great feeling and imagery about the old or lost loves we've had . . . especially looking back after so many years.
I like the way you use finance as a metaphor for investing our hearts in that thing called love(?) or possibly great physical attraction. It reminds me of the book title by Carson McCullers (?),
"The Heart is a Lonely Hunter."

Thanks for the read.
Tom

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Tom.
j.

[NotUsinganymore]

I like the imagery and metaphors (I think that's what it's called! Forgive me for my lack of education! I never really ever attended school in my whole life.)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, JungLee,
j.

[richieb]

beautiful writing J. Your words create a calming yet sober attitude towards pacing oneself. In love or daily life we we must guide our emotion's and burn the candle slowly. Blessings.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, richieb,
j.

[KWP]

oooh that's fabulous - for some reason this reminded me of a photo of frosted Sequioa Trees - it was amazing - maybe now the narrator can allow the hear to thaw and welcome new life in Spring - :)

NIce one X

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, KWP...
j.

[KWP]

most welcome X

[Lanny]

Wow! Such a beautifully crated prosaic piece. In addition, I truly enjoyed your figurative devices for their richness, "the substantial woods of my inner sanctum the foliage protects", "balance in my account . . . red maples remind me of deficits in spending time with you", "barren investment that is winter overdraws", all highly effective in generating your banking, investing, savings motif.

Nicely done, and all the best,

Lanny

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Lanny.
j.

[Ted Kniffen]

If I remember those times & relationships there was a lot of checking accounts, but very little savings. But, the memories survive, locked in the mind like those faded pictures in dusty old bank calendars.
The perfect time of year for an allegorical look back.

A good write, j.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i really enjoyed your metaphorical reply, Ted.
thank you
j.

[Cherrie]

Oh, this is splendid. Fragrant memories carried on a breeze.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Cherrie.
j.

[andrew mitchell]

aaaaarrrrr but you banked on the interest only to have someone default on the loan! Nice writing J.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i like your clever reply...thanks andrew.
j.

[Lanny]

I really enjoyed your metaphorical development, "the substantial woods of my inner sanctum", "keeps a sane balance in my account", "the barren investment that is winter overdraws what emotions i have left", and then you continue your banking/investment metaphor with the effective, "such minted memories of you" as all of said examples richly clothe the speaker of the poem for the reflective role that concludes the writing with the emotional flatness that results.

Nicely done, and all the best,

Lanny

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Lanny,
j.

[Chris Shaw]

Clever poem Jacob, using banking terms. I can recall one relationship which left me totally bankrupt without touching my bank account at all. Very well composed.

Chris

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Chris.
j.