the revisions we never got to write

 

the revisions we never got to write

 

 

 

extra spaces in the margins of conversation

elicited responses of silence

then indents in paragraphs of comfortable unspoken lines

 

fragments of our history 

which used to be one complete thought,

but we broke up into commas and semi-coloned arrhythmia

hearts that quit beating together,

 

i still remember the soft heaves of your chest

against my ear

when you wrote me into our impassioned essay

 

but ink runs dry to the bone

and our bone of contention

was an imbalanced timing

 

the margins grew wider with distance

the punctuation of us 

was an ending of the ellipsis 

that merely implied reconnoiter 

 

and now we are an old paper in a folder

gaining dust in a file cabinet of feelings

alphabetized in some odd sequence of distorted memory

 

with me thinking there should have been a title

and a different ending

written with more concrete closure

instead of some imagined figurative language

 

that left the what if's 

open to too much interpretation.

 

 

erin-cilberto

3/31/18

Reviews

[Phill Oz O'fee]

Excellent! I can empathise with the content of your write - especially how dusty the book becomes if we do not keep the pages clean and dry! It's even worst nowadays - tweets and text messaging – how quick a turn off these modes can be … loved it!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your insightful words, Phill.
j.

[Patricia Wedel]

dear Jacob... is old honey still sweet... a toast to your dusty memoirs... gilded edges of gold on a book read but not forgotten. truly, Pat

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Pat.
j.

[ms. barrie]

oh, how i’m so amazed by your word weaving,metaphors fall beautifully into place that paints eloquent poignant landscapes.

i loved every word in every stanza you used in this gem
i’m always in awe by your poetic gifts...always an inspiration to read

thank you for the read ~ xx

[jacob erin-cilberto]

you are very kind in your review, thank you, barrie.
j.

[‘Thoughts In Time..]

Excellent- wonderfully wow- I love the comparison of punctuation to emotions- I love it when you say the margins got wider- such is spaces in relationships at times which silence not distance causes- sometimes we don’t know where the commas and full stops belong because when communication is not there than everything is back to front and upside down- sometimes a rewrite is necessary- loved it 🌹

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Kelly.
j.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Not every story that is written has a happy ending(Except in fairytales)

Some whimsical metaphors.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Dale.

j.

[Neville]

Cor blimey maestro, I am betting there are very few who would argue with these fine words. And if they do, they aint lived.....The realisation of it does make me feel sad though.......Cheers sir

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Neville.
j.

[Neville]

Pleasure was entirely mine.........................Neville

[Stella Armour]

your brilliant metaphors never cease to amaze me, that is the hardest part of writing for me and you seem to do it so effortlessly...

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Stella.
j.

[Jimmy Yetts]

Once again, masterful use of metaphor.
Does anybody do it better?

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Jimmy....appreciate your words.
j.

[Shabeeh Haider]

Very beautifully expressed, Jacob.
these lines are unfortunately so true:

"and now we are an old paper in a folder

gaining dust in a file cabinet of feelings

alphabetized in some odd sequence of distorted memory"

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you Shabeeh...appreciate your read and words,
j.

[Ardra]

with me thinking there should have been a title
and a different ending
written with more concrete closure
instead of some imagined figurative language

Life is like that isnt it J.
always making us wonder... but the these stories gather dust just as you say..to be filed away
wishing somedays it could have been a better story...
always love reading your work

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Ria.
j.