It's been 40 years since my last...

It's been 40 years since my last...

 

 

 

 

Our Father who .....

Hallowed be thy....

 

and forgive us our trespasses as....

 

fragments of prayers,

of a religion

i once felt accustomed to

 

and now to which i feel a stranger

beliefs trickle down like final flakes after a blizzard of the soul

 

a few still stick to conscience

but most melt away before they hit the ground of logic

 

where was i then---

when did i leave that place

where kneeling and confessing seemed proper Saturday manners

 

and sharing a host of silent sanction

on Sundays pretended the norm---

 

was there ever a true story

or was it acting out a fictional script

handed down from generations

 

others still go through the motions

and say the lines,

while i find solace in poems of Emily Dickinson

knowing her unsettled beliefs

never found a home in her heart

 

i read her hymnal style

and remember singing solos in the choir

 

perhaps because, like her

i, too, was an alien in a strange church of devotion

with no real notion 

of belonging---

 

of singing at twenty, or thirty or forty

 

i am a marionette of faith's folly

a manipulation of terms

 

and in the end,

even if i remember the rest of the words to that prayer,

i will just sleep with worms

 

nothing else

because only they

 

 

        will make me feel

at home.

 

 

erin-cilberto

1/15/18

Reviews

[Jimmy Yetts]

Skeptics primarily identify with their bodies--information their five senses can convey.
Only five extremely limited senses to comprehend The Creator and His infinite universe, makes no sense.
Neither the Catholic Church nor TV evangelists, however, offer much beyond fear and guilt.
Emily Dickinson may well have been holier than the lot of them.
Outstanding poem!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, fear and guilt...so true.
and you might be right about Emily...
thank you so much for your insights, Jimmy.
j.

[Hebe]

I do believe Jesus existed as a Guru of his time, and his original messages to mankind was to have compassion and love for one another. Along the way his words were twisted, changed and misconstrued to govern and control the people! Whether you believe in religion or not, we should all be able to differentiate between right and wrong. I relate to this piece, it is very striking piece! Loved it.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words and sharing your insights, Hebe.
j.

[barleygirl]

I love this one becuz of your in-depth sharing told like a story . . . even tho I didn't have a similar upbringing, you've made it clear as a bell how this might be for many others I know & love. Many well-crafted phrases that sing with truth & originality: "I was an alien in a strange church of devotion" (exactly how I felt in my childhood family) . . . "I will just sleep with worms" (brilliant!) Thanks for a comprehensive share! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Margie...appreciate you.
j.

[Paul Bell]

Religion is a strange thing. I for one don't get it.
But it does give people hope and strength.
My cousin was a priest, and he did a lot of good things. But I don't know if I could go behind a screen just to unburden myself. This is my attempt at Pauls Chinese proverb. ' The only problem with life is. Deaths at the end of it

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your insights, Paul...yes it can be confusing in so many ways.
j.

[Einstein Noodle]

ashes to ashes...dust to dust ;) they were different times back then eh jacob?! so much in the way truths were taught doomed those that really thirsted to leaving in disappointment ... and the simple truth is that Faith is useless forcing it from the outside in ...which in our generation was what they excelled in attempting ... so much has changed in the Church ...for many, again like us, it is just not enough .. but i love those memorized prayers as in my Faith now they ignite with truth and clarity ... and those hymns .. they bounce around the noodle a lot ..just to remind me of things ... and Emily is wonderful ..who can refute ;) another worthwhile read for me sir ..thanks for sharing another piece of yer-self :)
E.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, E.

j.

[raj24]

YOU HAVE RIGHTLY SAID AS WE GROW UP WE TEND TO LOOK AT THE THINGS FROM A LOGICAL POINT AND LOSE OUR FAITH TO A CERTAIN EXTENT, BUT MAYBE WHEN WE START LOOKING AT IT AGAIN WE REALIZE THAT FAITH IN GOD HOLDS A SPECIAL PLACE EVEN IF WE ARE NOT PRAYING WITH THE SAME BELONGING. NICE WRITTEN N LIKE ALWAYS IT WAS GREAT READING YOUR WORK :) KEEP READING N WRITING

[jacob erin-cilberto]

exactly...and we do find our own path for faith...maybe not the one we were taught at an early age.
thank you, raj.
j.

[Julia Ledo]

As someone raised catholic this poem is so relatable. I have found a new faith through a different church but thats beside the point. Love the imagery and structure of this piece.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Julia...
i appreciate you relating and your kind words.
j.

[R.E. Ray]

J., I read this poem three times, and I thought of something more and different after each read. Still this stuck with me... "i am a marionette of faith's folley... a manipulation of terms." More specifically, the frequent uses of the words "faith" and "religion" came to mind.

I and many others probably identify as "marionettes" of established religion "folly" -- conforming not only to a specific church doctrine but also societal expectations and family traditions. However, "faith" to me is much broader, and perhaps deeper. You seem to echo the same here (i.e., "manipulation of terms"). But, as you well know, my interpretations of your poems often "never hit the ground of logic" (out of context, I know). Still, I enjoyed this one. I'm still thinking about it. Another good mental exercise for my unfit brain.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for sharing your thoughts on this one, Robert...i appreciate how you relate...
yes, Religion, organized religion...lots of questions.
j.

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

Deep intriguing Incite into your life
I will re read when I’m not late for work very good as always interesting thought provoking work from you Jacob

[jacob erin-cilberto]

than you Julie....somewhat auto-biographical, always a part of us in our work.

i appreciate your kind review.
j.