It's been 40 years since my last...

It's been 40 years since my last...

 

 

 

 

Our Father who .....

Hallowed be thy....

 

and forgive us our trespasses as....

 

fragments of prayers,

of a religion

i once felt accustomed to

 

and now to which i feel a stranger

beliefs trickle down like final flakes after a blizzard of the soul

 

a few still stick to conscience

but most melt away before they hit the ground of logic

 

where was i then---

when did i leave that place

where kneeling and confessing seemed proper Saturday manners

 

and sharing a host of silent sanction

on Sundays pretended the norm---

 

was there ever a true story

or was it acting out a fictional script

handed down from generations

 

others still go through the motions

and say the lines,

while i find solace in poems of Emily Dickinson

knowing her unsettled beliefs

never found a home in her heart

 

i read her hymnal style

and remember singing solos in the choir

 

perhaps because, like her

i, too, was an alien in a strange church of devotion

with no real notion 

of belonging---

 

of singing at twenty, or thirty or forty

 

i am a marionette of faith's folly

a manipulation of terms

 

and in the end,

even if i remember the rest of the words to that prayer,

i will just sleep with worms

 

nothing else

because only they

 

 

        will make me feel

at home.

 

 

erin-cilberto

1/15/18

Reviews

[Jimmy Yetts]

Skeptics primarily identify with their bodies--information their five senses can convey.
Only five extremely limited senses to comprehend The Creator and His infinite universe, makes no sense.
Neither the Catholic Church nor TV evangelists, however, offer much beyond fear and guilt.
Emily Dickinson may well have been holier than the lot of them.
Outstanding poem!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, fear and guilt...so true.
and you might be right about Emily...
thank you so much for your insights, Jimmy.
j.

[Leslie Philibert]

Like this. Whatever you believe, texts from a religious source often have a fantastic power. I have read parts of the Bible, the Qu`ran, Indian Hindu texts... Every good poet should know these works..

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your insightful words, Leslie.
j.

[ashkat]

I love everything I've read of yours... I feel there is a world between us, but you make yours come alive.
Such clarity and simplicity, conversational but artful... It's lovely to dip into your existence through your words, your eyes.

Thank you x

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, ashkat.
j.

[Heather]

I can relate personally to this poem quite a bit. I grew up around some people who placed a lot of importance on their religion and I felt that, by extension, it was forced upon me. I tried hard to get into religion so that they would accept me but I eventually found that the traditional, go to church every Sunday type of faith just isn't for me. I think there is something profound about accepting that maybe there is no answer and that's okay. I believe in the human experience and...love.

Whatever that means :) But I feel like this poem got me closer to the answer. Thanks for the great read.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I believe in the same, Heather.
Thank you for your words,
j.

[CD Campbell]

Wow Jacob! I really felt where you were going on this one. Whether you believe or not, it's the search that defines us. Death is that last unknown that everyone has to jump in head first regardless of belief. CD

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Yes that search for something or someone to believe in...always the search...
thank you for your review, CD..
j.

[h d e rushin]

interesting you mention Dickinson in relation to a confessional dear brother. Her later poems; the ones she was writing towards the end of her life were emotional and heart-felt digs at the lie of relationships, whether real or imagined. This poem was Eliot's mantra at the end of his life. "We die and lay on the ground like dogs and not in the embrace of the angels that sort out soul from salt"
he mused. Is it because poetry is in fact a synthesis of practical emotions? Perhaps. But it's good to see your soul exposed this afternoon my friend./ dana

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i appreciate your insights, dana...yes, emily struggled with belief....it was obvious, by not only the capitalization in her poems of Master, Him, He etc. but the content...
thank you for your words,
j.

[penguin]

I can relate, although I am still very much a part of my church, it does feel pressuring and over-structured. Most of the time, mass just sounds like robots in a room reciting prayers and phrases- not much room for excitement. A lot of what the church teaches is fear and judgement against people who are different from you, and so many of us find comfort in other things. Like you, it seems, mine was books and literature.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Yes, robots in a room...

thank you for sharing, Penguin...appreciate your words.
read moreYes, robots in a room...

thank you for sharing, Penguin...appreciate your words.
j.

[Samuel Dickens]

I think this fine poem rings familiar for a lot of us. Although I still maintain my belief in God, I reject much of what organized Christian religion teaches. The creator's love can't possibly be as complicated as man would make it.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, me too on the belief in God...just not the organized religion...
and thank you for your words, Samuel.
j.

[Helen Crutchett]

A write deep from the heart, with many thoughts flowing from the tip of the pen. Amazing and well written. Bravo!

Kind regards
Helena

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Helena.
j.

[Helen Crutchett]

You are welcome Jacob

[Carolynn]

Many people assume the topic of church and Jesus to be "religion" when it should be "relationship" ... I felt everything you spoke of here as if I wrote it myself and sadly it is my relationship that will find its home with the worms ... unless I put the effort in to repair it. Brilliant writing as always :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for sharing, Carolynn---i appreciate your words.
j.