when attitude writes its own novel

when attitude writes its own novel

 

 

 

you are superfluous surroundings

a vocabulary of pretentious imagination

i am just a poor sentence of dejected adjectives

 

semantic clutter

 

silenced by your projected prepositions

as you advance by me in a small crowd

and my interjection spits back in the wind

like a burnt snowflake

 

thought i saw love in your theory

but the balance of your equation

is a leftover quotient in my bank of endeavor

 

and i can't seem to divide you from your self

so i will just move on to a more comfortable clause

with words of more humble illusion

 

and follow them to wherever 

you aren't...

 

 

12/31/17

Reviews

[duff]

I like this Jacob. Even better reading it the second time.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, duff....

j.

[duff]

You are very welcome my friend

[Norman 223]

Words flow into a stream which can become a flood or a bog. Inspiration can become a fickle master.
You use this to good effect when you "tease" your readers, Jacob.
As Roger McGough wrote:-
" Watch the words, the watchword is............
Take your eye off them for a moment, then they're up, and away , all over the place."

N.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Norman.
j.

[Jon Roggie]

I am taking a few moments, and still debating my response.

Do we let the write run along?

Finding a path,
maybe one not attended,
or even intended.

How do we know?

We are a simple sentence left in the mix.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i think most poems pretty much write themselves....and if we try to steer them too hard...we interfere rather than help the process...

j.

[Jon Roggie]

Exactly. The words must flow in a natural voice.
Jon

[Delmar Cooper]

"pretentious imagination" Images of teen angst stories and YA stories of the Harry Potter ilk dance like sugarplums in my mind.
"dejected adjectives" Derelicts in gloomy film noir alleyways.
"interjection spits " "Interjection?" He
ejaculated. "Not here in Riverdale Sunny Jim."
" theory, equation, quotient, divide" A more scientific bent.
"Comfortable clause" Concluding, resolving and returning to the first principles of pretense.
I see the work as a criticism, perhaps had I the wit to see, a scathing criticism.
But I could be full of euphemistic bull spittle.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

never full of "bull spittle"
poems belong to the reader once let go by the poets...i like this interpretation very much...thank you, Delmar.

j.

[R.E. Ray]

J., another fascinating piece of work. As I read your words, I said to myself, "This man is a teacher who is reading some terrible work from students." I love the attitude and tone in this one.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

interesting perspective, Robert.
thank you for your slant on this piece...i appreciate your reads and comments very much.
j.

[Sami Khalil]

I think attitude can endear people to us or turn them away even in writing. People can sense things and make judgements based on the attitude of the poet at hand. As for you, you are always consistent and marvelous.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

you are kind to say that, Sami....thank you...
j.

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome.

[...]

When I read it your poem I don't know if you adore attitude or just despite. I think attitude is important at any actions of humans not just in writing. To make real statement about who you are and what's your reasons and believe. Some poets became more famous for they attitude then poetry for example Villon or Rimbaud but they poetry is for me one of the best ever. Yes we should have our attitude always ready and make best art even , We just make coffee or have big business in bathroom. Thanks for your poem even I don't understand meaning of it. It make me thing about subject so I think that must be great poem.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words Une Saison....
j.

[...]

You welcome. It was nice to read it.

[Alfred Kukitz]

Novel writing huh........thought I caught a whisper of poetry in your write. Nice work!

Regards,
Al

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Al.
j.

[barleygirl]

Your metaphorical word-crafting is reaching new heights here, as you convey poignant feelings with depth. Being a student of science, this is the stanza that really spoke to me:
"thought i saw love in your theory
but the balance of your equation
is a leftover quotient in my bank of endeavor"
Thank you for always sharing a plethora of original creativity! *smile* Fondly, Margie

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Margie.
j.

[marilyn 1225]

love this i think it is a great poem to refer the ending is strong and feisty as was mentioned but why not who needs pain and meanness... great write as always the '' real thing''

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, marilyn.
j.