Poem

Poem

you were a lapse in judgment

a scratch on the mental finish

of sightless beginnings

i was the bat,

maneuvering with certain abandon,

chaotic intensity

the feel of your heart, near

i put words to air

dove for the prize

discovered the concrete truth

was closer than i thought

found that endings

predict themselves

pre-flight.

erin-cilberto

12/9/17

Reviews

[Nipplegrinder]

This is a well conceived piece.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Nipplegrinder.
j.

[Alfred Kukitz]

a lapse in judgement is just the right gal for me buddy. Send her this way!

regards,
al

[jacob erin-cilberto]

ha ha, okay, Al.

thanks.
j.

[h d e rushin]

The end of the year is near and I wish I was better. I mean, I wish I was the wanderer in this poem who dared endings to answer without the permission to retract. Rasputin predicted long life for the Tsar but not the end of the war. what I mean is that "real" prediction takes courage, which all of your poems are full of.....great poem my friend...dana

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i really appreciate you, dana..and your kind words on my poems...
thank you...
j.

[Saumya]

Your title is too simple, for a poem too intense, Jacob 😊!But, I'm glad I decided to go through this one, though the title wasn't intriguing enough, and honestly I feel lucky enough not to ignore it😊

Indeed! I absolutely agree with the truth you've beautifully put up in the ending of the poem.

Whether it is the roads we tread on, the People we meet, or any sorta relationship...we've to travel miles, to know exactly if it is what we actually think it to be Because, ironically things are not always the way we we think it to be. Nor are the people.

The end of anything, and the way it ends, that outburst of emotions for the end....Tells a lot about how intense/superficial the bonding/ relationship it was! 😊


Happy writing 😊

-Saumya

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i really appreciate your insights Saumya...

yes, this was one of those pieces...i thought of a gazillion titles...but nothing was apt enough for it...
so it just got labeled...but thank you for stopping and reading it even though the title was not intriguing...your thoughts on it are very intriguing to me, and much appreciated.
j.

[Saumya]

You're most welcome, Jacob😊

Your poem's title is fine, just the way it is(tho I initially wanted it to be something more apt)We as writers make sure, that the title of our pieces are interesting and catchy enough for the audience, but your title today taught me, that sometimes it's worth taking the chance for opting a simpler one, and get it actually appreciated for the intense and meaningful content it has!😊and the attention of just the right, 'fortunate' audience to enjoy and feel our words, is just the most precious reward we can ever get for our works I feel😊

I'm glad you appreciate my words here...Thankyou!😊


-Saumya

[Dhaye]

Yes, poems are not as what as they seem to be . We have to go through until the ending...or just find the ending itself which could give the clue to what it is about. Words are sometimes deep, like emotions that are hidden. Poems are like relationships...perfectly imperfect. You will only realize the truth when you come to the end.
Idk if my thoughts would matter but that's how I could relate to your poem today.
Thanks for sharing.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

your thoughts matter to me...and i appreciate them very much Dhaye---
thank you for sharing how you relate.
j.

[Kelly Scheppers]

Your endings are always what gets to me the most. My best to you this holiday season, Jacob!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you on the poem, Kelly...and best to you also for the holiday...hope it is a happy one.
j.

[lightsong]

When I read the title "poem", I wasn't expecting to read something like this, maybe You named it like this because You really didn't have a title only emotions needed to be written down. bitterness, anger, sadness, despair and hurt dripping from Your words, and what I like about Your words here is that You didn't put the blame on any side... in Love we take the chance, though many times the unhappy ending is clear to our eyes from the very start, but we dare and take the chance (though many don't dare), and it's either a sheer bliss, and blessed heavenly experience, or the opposite... Your ending lines spoke the truth that hurts.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Light.
j.

[J. J. Nightingale]

Endings do sometimes predict themselves.. but that concrete occasionally is a first cruel clue...

Ha...did enjoy..

Jazzy

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Jazzy.
j.

[J. J. Nightingale]

You are welcome jacob... :)...................

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

We know that most relationships fail but we still need to takes chances on them in hopes it is that one that is for life.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Dale...appreciate your insights.

j.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

Tuning in on your sonar to the heartbeat of your prey eh? I remember being asked by a little girl once, "If bats hate light so much...I mean, they sleep all day right?...then why do they always fly around the street lights at night?" I said, that's a very good question! Do you think there might be something there the bats like besides the light? She figured it out. :) Good write Jacob.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i like your story, Fabian...it's better than the poem...thank you,
j.