5 Lines Closer

  

5 Lines Closer

 

 

happiness may be a warm gun

but i like the texture of cold steel

as it rests

resolutely against my temple

just before the click.

 

 

jacob erin-cilberto

8/30/11

Reviews

[Norman 223]

Followed by the flash of inspiration. - sometimes a shot in the dark.
N.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

ah yes, so true...
thank you, Norman.

j.

[ROXANE DORSEY]

wow pbell love the shortness of the poetry. thanks for sharing.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Roxane.
j.

[Paul Bell]

Take the song away.
Goodbye in five short lines.
How many have gone this way,

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Paul...yes, many, too many...
j.

[Stonz P.]

I love the song, both the original and the version in Across The Universe.

Oh, and of course, a great, strong poem as always, sir.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, both....love how they did it in Across...lived that movie in the sixties.
thank you, Stonz...
j.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Love the weaving of two conflicting metaphors here Jacob. The warm gun of Lennon and McCartney and the coldness of the moment before suicide. So stark, so splendid.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, John...appreciate your words...
j.

[andrew mitchell]

Love the Beatles line happiness is a warm gun. Clever and succinct. I love the brevity and the power behind the words such defiance!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, andrew.
j.

[Tazeen Ahmed]

Warm gun refers to a 'good feeling' that you get when you shoot someone. (I may be wrong)
&
Cold steel refers to 'knife'.
it conveys the fact that a knife gives a better feeling.

So intense!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your insightful words, Tazeen....

j.

[Ardra]

Jacob this ones read like a little dangerous game..
not to be played :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Galadriel---

j.