Siren closing the distance

Siren  closing the distance

 

 

blasphemous snicker

the laughing maiden

kissing the exhaustion from

my tired heart,

reawakening that venom

the happy poison that kills me glad

 

we might dance the night away

and wonder if the moon keeps records

how many half lanterns

can a sky hold

when lovers keep blowing out the flickers

with deceitful winds of charm

 

but please,

take me in your arms

even if you squeeze the last emotions out of me

i will die heartily

 

wildly

poison is a great vice

for that last thrill

before the knees give out

 

your scent is the stretcher

upon which

 

i ride to heaven....

counting heartbeats.

 

erin-cilberto

7/10/17

Reviews

[Lydia Shutter]

Pick your poison....and if it is love of the wrong person, sobeit! If the last thing we do in life is be with someone who gets our hearts and minds racing, well, it was all worth it. Good one, Jacob. Lydi**

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Lydi.
j.

[Beccy]

We do not need to be unwary to be lured, despite we know we may end up dashed on the rocks.

The song of the siren is impossible to ignore; and there is always of course a chance we can hitch a ride to heaven.

Masterful.

Beccy.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Beccy,
j.

[AprilRN1210]

what a way to go right? that last thrill definitely sounds like it makes the most of it in that wild abandon awakened. I like how you make the pain sweet in your descriptions, but still make it known how bad it really is. of course the medical metaphors tickle my intellect while you sweep emotions along the winds of charm :) lovely as always. I like the contrasting dreamy reality in this one.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, nurse...glad you liked those...and thank you for your kind, encouraging words, my friend.
j.

[Zugzwang]

The sweet poison of love, it exhilarates us even as it snuffs the life out of us. There's power in this one.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Zeitnot..
j.

[Alessander]

"your scent is the stretcher

upon which

i ride to heaven....

counting heartbeats"

Dig these lines. There also seems to be subtle 'slant'/off' rhymes through out (from/venom; charm/arms) which keep it flowing.

Also like the phrase

The happy poison which kills me glad

you have a knack with phrasing, which can't be taught.

Good stuff.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Alessander.
j.

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Modernly Shakespearian, an incredible
ode to love with its barbs, venom, danger and rapture intact...stunning words, metaphor and intricate imagery. Second verse is magnificent..."Your scent is the stretcher..upon which I ride to heaven.." Sweet!! Kudos!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your very kind review, Annette.
j.

[Tom]

It's true enough, all that tastes nice is usually bad for you!

Heartfelt indeed Jacob, if you're going to go down, go down all guns blazing...love it!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Tom...

j.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

We will have love, or what we see as our construct of this intangible concept, at any cost at times. That makes some of us blind to the fickle nature of human kind and the complexities of modern day society and relationships within it. Another work to savour Jacob and if only we could all 'ride to heaven counting heartbeats!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

love your insights, John...thank you,

j.