tried to, but in the end

tried to, but in the end...

 

 

tired of writing sad songs

i want to compose a smile

but i am lost in the aisle

of retention

and it is a detention

of my heart

deflections

of positive reflections

and smiles turned upside down

don't reverse

when conversely

 

there is no happy, sappy motive

behind the emotive pen

of the poet crashing

 

as his short spun high

unravels his emotions

like a yarn expressed

in Aesop's eye.

 

 

erin-cilberto

7/8/17

Reviews

[barleygirl]

AWESOME WORD WEAVING! Each line brings a little surprise as the reader takes in both the well-crafted sounds & meaning. I thought for a minute you were going to write a happy poem, but the honesty of this definitely buys you another five hundred sad songs! (((HUGS)))

[jacob erin-cilberto]

and you will probably get 500 more...damn that elusive happy write...thank you for your kind review, barleygirl...

j.

[emmajoy]

' i want to compose a smile ~ but i am lost in .. '

Such a coming and going of emotions playing tag with reality in this.. so it seems to me. Writers will try to write what they feel at a given moment, want to release this or that as simply but coherently as possible.. BUT still end up wishing something else had displayed, occurred.. danced into life. Perhaps?

[jacob erin-cilberto]

wow, you are so damn insightful, em....

your reply is spot on...coherency is such a challenge, isn't it?

thank you, thank you.
j.

[emmajoy]

What a great start to my day, jacob - the girl done good! Seriously, your writing always stimulates me to think; secondly, why review if not to reach the heart of a post. Thank YOU.

[Deuces]

I think this is the tale of the frustrated writer, which is always... the best and most honest writer, possible. A tale that represents all of us poets very well. I know I can relate. Flawless. - "The web of life is of a mingled yarn."

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you Cyntax...i find it hard to understand poets with big egos...we are so lucky to get to do this...but not sure we have much control, and there is always that worry that it will disappear in a moment---so maybe it seems dangerous to write happy, complacent....mmmm
thank you for your words.
j.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Certainly no fable as the infamous maiden slit the throat of the knight on the steps of the Cathedral Jacob. Sadness penned again!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, John...
j.

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Jacob, You Rock!! Do I detect rap-like beat and rhyming pattern and musicality in this intricately worded poem? Whether "Happy, sappy motive" or "deflections of positive reflections", this is 'So Dope'- to use the vernacular superlative! You are The Master and I bow to you once again! Kudos!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

So Dope? that's funny---thanks for your kind words, Annette.
j.

[pragya gaur]

Very emotional...Jacob...This is talent....Your are a superstar

[jacob erin-cilberto]

you are kind pragya...
j.