the outline of relationships

the outline of relationships



i loved you profusely,
with run-on emotions,
but you edited my feelings
until the heart beats became stiff and formal
until there were too many stops,
the periods and semi-colons interrupted the affection

until i could no longer write you
with abandon,
until innocence and trust were question marks
and my love became something i tried to justify

with hesitant language
hesitant approach,
until i finally reached
the conclusion of us,

and moved on to the next assignment
hoping i could free-write into it
the words would find new meaning
and a perfect ending
that never ended.


erin-cilberto
7/6/17

Reviews

[Paul Bell]

The gay abandonment of love. Always wanting to be together. Then closeness becomes exactly that.
Something changes, and you begin to step back.
Yet you know inevitable is about to happen. Pastures new.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

appreciate your insights, Paul...thank you for your read and review.
j.

[emmajoy]

Your past restlessly adjusts language to suit your mood, jacob. Here you move through a sadness snatched into the arms of how to lay words meaning more than an exercise in how to.. ..

Somehow you create thoughts via tethered emotions but, keep reality at the fore.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, em.
j.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

your use of woven metaphors is always a joy despite the subject being a recurring and sad theme. Your ability to convey feelings in carefully crafted pieces shows mastery of language, expression and form Jacob.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i don't know why it is, John...though i am not a sad person at all...the reality of past sadness seems so much easier to write than happy...and so many poets i know elicit the same thoughts...sorry for the repetition of theme sometimes, but thank you for your words.
j.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Art is expression and expression can be art Jacob and you master the skill and I am not in a position to judge your choices. Simply to enjoy or not and I cannot recall not enjoying any of your works.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i appreciate you, John...you are always so supportive.

j.

[AprilRN1210]

beginnings are so full of potential; it is when you get in there and start learning about someone or researching a "subject" that you find out how much work is needed and how much fun/payoff is involved. I always envy the way you skillfully weave ideas that are so stimulating yet simple. I love being a student and learning so this was nostalgic in that aspect as well as reminding me how much I suck at relationships lol..

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i suck at them too...never been one of my strong suits...but at least they give me fuel for the poetic fire...sometimes i feel like i am an old old version of Taylor Swift---breakups to write poems instead of songs...:)))

[AprilRN1210]

Now that was one of the funniest comparisons I could try and picture.... you and Taylor swift lolread moreNow that was one of the funniest comparisons I could try and picture.... you and Taylor swift lol
I do enjoy your writing even if fueled by pop star 😂

[Poetic Beauty]

This is unique and creative. Outline of love and how it becomes too structured

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Poetic Beauty.
j.

[Poetic Beauty]

You're welcome. I loved how you described grammar to convey your thought on life love.

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

I love how you can take two things so seemingly unrelated and weave them into the most sensible writing. You have such a beautiful, uncomplicated, plain-speak way of writing that just really resounds. You write in colors that everyone can feel. I just love that.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Linda.
j.

[Mark Mendoza]

I dig this poem . the use of words and language as a metaphor. Thanks for sharing. Your words dance on the page. Hoping i could free write into it. That line could stand time jacob. Thanks again

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Mark.
j.

[Mark Mendoza]

No problem j .