3 Senryu

3 Senryu

 

 

losses

 

 

stocks in love have dropped

trust is a commodity

the value broken

 

 

 

a simple fracture

 

 

tripped on thoughts of you

sprained the knowing in my heart

felt the love bone break

 

 

 

superfluous adjectives

 

 

superlatives fly

best girl, best love, ex-partner

ex-best memories

 

 

 

4/23/17

erin-cilberto

Reviews

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Yes! Been there, felt that! Love the form and the brevity so concisely painful! So much in so little- excellent!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Annette.
j.

[Island Hippy]

Aloha Jacob, your words are sadly true! The first is my favorite sums up the sad universal measure for what is deemed 'valuable' stocks went up while humanity took a dive. These are awesome Jacob, I enjoyed this very much. Izzy

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Izzy
j.

[Island Hippy]

You're welcome

[andrew mitchell]

all different angles on viewing love lost and the subsequent pain brilliantly expressed. i think the wish bone snapped not in his favour on this one.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

damn wishbones are rigged...:))))
thank you,
j.

[Michael Oliver]

Do you need the inter titles reads with more punch without them - the final triplet is a bit of a mouthful if read aloud your music falters is this intentional - it flows so well then ......

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, it is meant to falter...actually these are three separate senryu...i just put them together on one page....thus the titles...some are reading them as one entity and that is fine by me....but they are intended as separate senryu.

thank you, Michael.

[Michael Oliver]

Often the seperate are linked - sometimes one finds they are echoing a deeper intent that one was not aware of at the time of writing . I understand the faltering ending as an image. Thanks for elucidating Jacob

[V]

Sharp view with an underlying softness
On point and sadly true.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, my friend

j.

[BBP]

stocks in love have dropped
trust is a commodity
the value broken

Truer words have never been spoken my friend.

As always, wonderful write and the analogies are always on point.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, B.B.

j.

[Einstein Noodle]

"losses" is deep and sage-like, the fracture a well worn path for you jacob :( and in the superlatives ..i have to chuckle a bit as i remember my own very precious ex-best! ohhhhh it was a dream ... so easy to keep it elevated in death :{ enjoyed reading sir!
E.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, E.
j.

[Ana B.]

hmmm... there is so much that can be said with the line: ''superfluous adjectives'' , in a way, its how life is described today....just a bunch of adjectives, and
addicted taste buds, ''evolution'' of the body but not the soul. As ever, your work touches forgotten corners of my soul. Lovely.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Ana.
j.

[James]

You could rearrange these in any order it would be just a good, but I really like how it ended, there is a finality in the abruptness of those ex-memories.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, James.

j.

[B]

I really like the style here of 3 senryus
The first one is my favourite
We seem to have lost concept of real value

Stock markets are the prime example of how little humanity truly understands value .... its mechanics is completely bizarre