Hunt

Hunt

 

 

your brown eyes

penetrate my dreams

the stare through the underbrush

of my convictions

i feel the us that could be

 

knowing you will stay confined to your own woods

and that "woulds" between us will never be my shade

 

the sun will shine vacantly

and you will be that vision

that runs, when i wake,

like a deer that anticipates the shot

 

although my bullets would be love

and the waking 

 

if in each other's arms

could be the trophy...

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

12/19/16

Reviews

[Ethan]

The tension between the would and the could is a cool device. The irony that it is you who know that love could be the trophy, but that it is also the underbrush of your convictions that allows the quarry to escape is interesting. The title and governing metaphor of a poem about love leads the reader to wonder if love really could be the trophy when the potential beloved is both being hunted, and hiding. I'm a bit confused by the sun shining vacantly, what that means and how it connects. What would happen to your hunt if took place by moonlight? That would draw in the connotations of what lovers might do at night... great poem, I really enjoyed it.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Ethan...

j.

[Valentine]

Love the wording especially in the first grouping. Also the woods...would use was brilliant. Valentine

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Kathie...

j.

[Gypsy Warrior Queen]

Mmm, love in the Morning as the sun gently wakes the earth and the rest of the world is still kissed with sleepiness.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Queenie...

j.

[Stars and Whales]

Holy crap your writing is amazing! I'm actually blown away. I wasn't expecting that, I think your writing style was unique and very, very good! Good work, I'll be sure to keep checking in and reading your stuff!

I just wrote my first screenplay, my first script, maybe could you give me some advice?? You're great. Or maybe we could work together in the future? Let me know, I'm all in. Here's the link to my script...

http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/samfths/1865804/

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Zane....i appreciate your kind words, but i pretty much only have time to bounce on and off the site and respond to poetry...i try to keep up with the other poets, reciprocating as i can.

but good luck with your script.

j.

[Sami Khalil]

"like a deer that anticipates the shot

although my bullets would be love
and the waking

if in each other's arms
could be the trophy..."

[Sami Khalil]

Amazing poetry from a great poet. Every line is beautiful and wonderful. So romantic and lovely...:)................

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Sami.

j.

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome .....::::))))