she, and the other she

she, and the other she

satin stains,

composure averted

his eyes divulged the secret

her suitcase by the door

his packed tightly with regrets

half the drawers empty

a space in his life

the other sees him in the mirror

and winces,

she didn't want to cause this

but her lipstick didn't know when to quit

now the taxi pulls up

his dreams ride away

leaving him paying the fare

"and the bags fly free"

erin-cilberto

12/3/16

Reviews

[redzone]

"bags" don't fly free any more Jacob, so if you're thinking of packing those two "shes" into suitcases, that will be at least $100, maybe more depending on weight, put them on the train instead...

but that bag of regrets, that's a carry on for the rest of your life... and how does that line from the credit card go?? "priceless", though in this case not something we wanted...

red lipstick will do you in every time Jacob... but are one of the best inspirations for poetry...

redzone

[jacob erin-cilberto]

actually on Southwest Airlines they still do..the only airline that has that i think...so put your heart on that one...or at least the baggage...and then take a different plane, i think...ha ha.
thanks for your insightful review...as always.

j.

[h d e rushin]

i was telling my sister this morning about how some poets treat poetry. Some treat it with insistent, urgency; a thing, an image, an event, a feeling,
a moment in time, the trivial or the contemptible,
it really doesn't matter. But poems have to be written about it. You are that unstoppable force my friend. ..."she and the other she"....indeed....dana

[jacob erin-cilberto]

and you are a most encouraging reviewer of my work...thank you, dana.

j.

[...]

Hello Jacob, a very vivid write....you express well this feeling its a horrible place to find yourself!
I really enjoyed 'but her lipstick didn't know when to quit' some great lines. Starz

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Starzy....

j.

[...]

You're very welcome I'm only returning your kindness

[Nessly]

Wow. Your words bring about such vividness as they lightly touch on the feelings of those involved. It seems like no one wins in these situations. Great write, j.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Nessly.

j.

[Nessly]

Welcome. :)

[WittyWonka]

It's a tough spot to be, having to cough up the fare for such a lousy trip. I love the image of lipstick not knowing when to quit. Great writing, jacob.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Witty.
j.

[Papaya]

Well this is written very nice.
So nice it might bring a tear to the eye of any woman who has come home to find her significant other in bed with another. :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Papaya...

j.

[barleygirl]

Definitely a vivid portrayal of betrayal described in the most unique terms ever. I like this more straightforward approach sometimes, combined with your vivid observations . . . the last line is a thought-provoking zinger.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, barleygirl...

j.