clicking heels across the white helium

 

clicking heels across white helium

failing to tiptoe into the first line

with proper finesse

i jump toward the ending

(as the balloon syllables into a sky of inspiration)

and wrap a beginning around it

just before the stanza dance

finds me steppin' off the page's floor
in linoleum dissection

of the feelings i
just can't twirl
into rhythm.


erin-cilberto
10/20/16

Reviews

[Alfred Kukitz]

I would ask you to boogie but I can see you are having trouble with your step.

Original thinking! Wow!

Regards,
Al

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, so much trouble...you are right...
thank you, Al.

j.

[Ted Kniffen]

Sometimes, no matter how hard we try and no matter how good the subject, the words ill not align with our thoughts. Writer's block...I think not, more likely just a re-alignment is required, to bring the words back to roost where they belong. Good write, j.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i like that...re-alignment....

thank you for your words, Ted,

j.

[W.k.kortas]

Your wry is showing, sir. It's a puckish little look at something which is not particularly amusing when one is in its throes.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, W.k.

j.

[Kathy Van Kurin]

This was really great! The process of wanting to be true to the reality of what is living and wants to be affirmed. I guess the more we express the more we want to give voice properly. Living, learning.Thank you very much for your thoughtful pieces as well as constructive criticism on my stuff; it really helps. blessings to you. Kathy

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Kathy...

j.

[redzone]

I am sure that it happens Jacob, but I find it hard to imagine you having difficulty in writing a poem... I have gotten so use to reading the wonder in your poetry that I think you could write from either end of a poem (last to star/start to last) or middle out and even in the dark, blindfolded and without a pen or pencil... and it seems that here, in this poem you write even while saying it was difficult to write your feelings... kinda proving my point actually...

redzone

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i always feel writing about writing helps to undam the writers block...thank you for your words, Curt...

j.

[iand63]

Aaah, words huh? I take the jazz approach, syncopate to provocate.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Superstition is the....i like your approach, ian....thank you for the smile...

j.

[Papaya]

It feels like a grand idea that is not translating or transferring as intended. Those moments when we can't quite capture what we feel, even though we know what we want to say.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your insights, Ana.

j.

[Shannon]

Best, most original description of grappling with the written word I have seen.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, S. Mi,
j.