Fall

Fall

 

 

i loved that sweater on you

a curvaceous invitation

to walk on paths of scattered leaves

to talk of outcomes with the right income

of picket fences and puppy love

grown to old age in dog years

 

of tears, and fears and forever's

 

 

i loved that sweater on you

but then you gave yourself away to someone else

hung that throng of threads in another's closet

when you were wearing him

 

left me

to walk on paths of scattered leaves

with scattered emotions

and a lonely hangar

 

my outcome---

 

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

10/1/16

Reviews

[Lyn Anderson]

The play on hangar -- I love it. Umm, damn, sometimes it really stings, thinking of that one shirt, jeans, or ... in another's closet. Very relatable piece.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for the understanding...and for relating somehow.

j.

[Alfred Kukitz]

Here the leaves lose that autumn sheen, the crispness meandering on another planet and the writer alone, pen and ink gone, as he steps on the saddest of Earth's soil.

Regards,
Al

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Al.

j.

[Vria P Crow]

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

Fall is my favorite time of year. It stimulates creativity with the subtle chill and crispy air. It reminds us that death is beautiful; preserved by brilliant foliage.

CONTENT AND FORMAT

The repetition and reoccurring image of the sweater is quite effective. It indicates that the male speaker is attracted to the woman yet there is a touch of innocence with the phrase, "puppy love." I was not expecting this affair to end in betrayal as the female left the speaker. The reader discovers that the sweater is no longer an appealing image but rather insulting because it belonged to another man. I feel sympathy for the narrator but also admire his strength to manage to remember the positive aspects of the woman in the sweater.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

We have all gone through harsh break ups no matter what age. Some are more painful than others. However, humanity has an incredible amount of endurance similar to how cockroaches cannot be killed by a nuclear bomb.

Overall, I enjoyed this poem. It was appropriate for reading in the morning as I squint to see autumn colors through the fog.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your extensive review, Ria...i appreciate your words. and your keen insights.

j.

[Vria P Crow]

You are very welcome. I enjoyed your work so I will probably return once in awhile.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

and vice-versa! Ria...

[Einstein Noodle]

lots of ins and outs in this breakup ...love the sweater "stuff" and the season ... many memories flooding ...both real and imaginary ;) as much joy in the leaves as emptiness before the "sleep" of winter .. well done .. no nonsense about this sorrow
E.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, E.
j.

[aLittlePain]

Melodic and soft but thick with a sense of loss, with 'Fall' as the back drop this is a beautifully painted landscape. Sweaters are cool and all but I prefer a cardigan you know like those thick NZ wool cable knit ones with the thick lapel and collar and fancy buttons, you don't mess your hair when you take them off ;)
Great write j. R x

[jacob erin-cilberto]

wow, yes, Cardigans...remember the girls in high school wearing those, too...

thank you, Rach.

j.

[Gee]

Sweaters, mmmmmm, conjures up images of fifties film stars, tiny waist accentuating....Well you know. More memories of what might have been, love lost. You're getting quite good at this now Jacob.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Gee...

j.

[Lydia Shutter]

Ah, the sweater girl with all her curves....the ones that fit perfectly in your arms until they fit perfectly in someone else's. And it all happens in Fall....the word denotes loss. Regret and loneliness are palpable in this one. Lydi**

[jacob erin-cilberto]

so true, thank you, Lydi.

j.

[V]

I like the repetition of the sweater line, very nicely reading and creative. There's a soft feeling of decay and loss; leaving reflected in your writing yet not too strong, I think it goes well with the fall image.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thnak you, Vanessa...

j.

[SJ Mullins]

Wow, this is a very powerful poignant write, Jacob! Love it!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words,
j.

[SJ Mullins]

You are most welcome.

[h d e rushin]

"and the months enter on
their mighty march
under thy guidance, whatso
tracks remain of our old wickedness" Virgil.

In other words, what's done is done.

I think intentionally, the title is a play on our emotions. Fall,
as in to stumble, or "fall" as in to stumble on
scattered emotions......well played jacob.....dana

[jacob erin-cilberto]

you are so perceptive, my friend...

thank you for your words...hope you are well.
read moreyou are so perceptive, my friend...

thank you for your words...hope you are well.

j.

[h d e rushin]

i am my friend...thanks for asking....