coming in second

coming in second

 

 

trivia of a heart's reckoning

your voice was one of the questions

i remembered hearing it once

but couldn't quite identify the source

 

i could embrace a smile in my mind

your eyes reminded me of a name

but i couldn't come up with it in time

and too soon, my memory bled into

 

a thousand answers,

none a strong enough image

to roll off my tongue

when it really mattered

to the outcome of us.

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

8/28/16

Reviews

[Paul Bell]

I suppose the title tells the story. You go over it in your mind, the little things that mattered, the voice drifting off, then returning. The fleeting images that come back but give no explanation. But i suppose number two really means, number one walked off with her.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Paul...

j.

[William Liston]

I like the ambiguity and informal style in this piece; although I didn't understand what this poem was talking about (I rarely do), I could feel emotion while I read it. I could sense a somewhat profound tone with an underlying sense of melancholy, which is a difficult effect to create, but nonetheless, you've done it quite well in this piece.

I liked how the third stanza started as a continuation of the previous line ... stuff like that is usually a bit risky (for readability's sake), but it worked well to maintain the flow and "free" feel to this piece.

On top of that, the imagery was nice. I especially enjoyed the lines "... my memory bled into / a thousand answers."

I think you've done well with this piece. Thanks for sharing.

- William Liston

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, William,

j.

[RomaJ]

It's like finding a familiar face or voice in a sea of strangers. Or maybe, it's a smile, that reminds you of someone...of home. It feels warm. But, you can't seem to remember whom or what their name was. I experienced this many times. Never been good with names, but somehow, I remember birthdays...:)
Although, I've also experience guys calling me random names, as if they know me. But I'm pretty sure, it was just a ploy. I absolutely love this line: "I could embrace a smile in my mind" lovely words here.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Roma...appreciate your words.
j.