a dark sky waiting

a dark sky waiting

my pen is bent away from the page

the soft onion skin

begs for a touch

but the insincere ink

flows backward in a brain

with only conventional thoughts

the black and white of it is

that there is no black going onto the white

it is like trying to make snow fall in summer

there is heat in the fingers

but the synapse is dry

the bridge between mind and paper

has been decimated

by delusions that i am a writer

so i sit with a blank look

and empty space below me

like the Apollo 13

gazing longingly at the moon

knowing it will never land.

erin-cilberto

8/15/16

Reviews

[θεά]

What an excellent read this has been Jacob! Novel use of words, loved the words "onion skin" and the last para about Apollo 13. Nothing could encapsulate the writer's block so deftly, and that you have is itself replete with irony. Stunning piece of work this is, and bravo to you and your penmanship.

With such talent, may it never run dry!

Best wishes,
Mallika.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Mallika,

j.

[Lydia Shutter]

Even when "the bridge between mind and paper" has blown up, you find a way to navigate the river of words, my friend. The eagle has landed if you ask me! :) Lydi**

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Lydi.

j.

[Alfred Kukitz]

I thought we had some Jacob snow here yesterday. The flakes wanted to light up your head, moisten the brainwaves into slick poetic reverberations, take a look Jacob I think they are headed your way!

Regards,
Al

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i would just go for some cold weather...i'll keep a look out...thank you for your words, Al.

j.

[Vatsal Rohilla (account..]

I have felt this many times. It is quite astonishing to discover that you have a pen in hand and a sheet on the table but you are just unable to put black onto the white. The mind is sort of blank, and this irritates quite a bit. The word play is really nice. Keep writing.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Vatsal...

j.

[RomaJ]

I chuckled at "the black and white of it is...that there is no black going onto the white" haha brilliant.
and so eloquently conveyed. Too many nights, I've wasted. Just staring blankly at a blank sheet of paper. haha And still, I got nothing. I actually really do miss gazing up at the moon......:) This is just pure brilliance.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Roma.

j.

[Pryde Foltz]

I think we have contact Houston. The pen has landed:):):)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Pryde.

j.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Some say that sadness and dark emotions make for the best writing.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Dale...

j.

[caesarkreshen]

Hm hi.

Delusion is a fun word. It's 'ironic' because writing is a form of delusion, really, and yet it's always... am I delusional? I can't say I don't care; I'm here... but it seems more worthwhile to just write. Once you can get on that 'I am writing my thought train' level, then you know... shrug it off.

I have a good understanding of your images now. I mean, I can see your images, but only if I imagine them. I am not an image poet, I would say, at all, but I do feel I am a sensual reader. That is, I can see things with very little.

The issue then is of unfolding an image. I like the title, and I like the end part, but haha... well it's interesting. I know you don't wanna hear it, but it'd be kind of fun to be like...

a dark sky waiting

and empty space below me
like the Apollo 13
gazing longingly at the moon

knowing it will never land.

Of course, that cuts out a lot of possible meaning that people might not be able to grasp without it. I still kinda like it, tho. Kinda haiku-ish. It's also fun, for me, to read the first line of each, just splices, really. Or the second line. I guess it goes to show that, personally, I like your lines but the way they are laid out sometimes makes it seem too spoon-fed.

Try it.


my pen is bent away from the page
but the insincere ink
the black and white of it is (em dash)
there is heat in the fingers
has been decimated (doesn't quite fit)
and empty space below me

the soft onion skin
flows backward in a brain
that there is no black going onto the white
but the synapse is dry
by delusions that i am a writer
like the Apollo 13
knowing it will never land.

begs for a touch (doesn't quite fit)
with only conventional thoughts
the bridge between mind and paper
so i sit with a blank look
gazing longingly at the moon

Not so interesting, but it's fun to splice, eh? Loses some meaning, but a lot of linearity, but I may be schizophrenic for even seeing things like that.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thanks for your words and suggestions, Caesar..

j.

[Autonomous]

I have to say that if you feel this way about your writing then I might as well give up, not that I will but Jacob I have to say almost everything that you write borders perfection in your poetry style. You have never disappointed me with your words and I know your mind will continue to feed the inspiration behind the ink, you are a great writer.

P.S. Don't get conceded on us but I was told that great writers tend to doubt themselves.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thanks for your kind words, Z.
j.

[Corset]

so not true, you ARE a writer and a very darn good one at that!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Corset.

j.