we had such a thing

we had such a thing

 

 

 

selective hearing,

i said "i love you"

and i am sure i heard you

say it back,

 

then you walked out the door

and i did not hear it slam,

rather a gentle click

and behind it, you smiled

 

my heart was skipping beats

knowing yours was mine,

you stared coldly

flat lining

 

i took you into my arms

the embrace fierce

felt your body respond

begging for more

 

you went limp,

motionless

emotionless

 

i got down on one knee,

you kicked me over

screamed at me in your silence

 

i heard sweet nothings,

when really,

 

there were just 

                        nothings.

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

7/1/16

Reviews

[Lydia Shutter]

WOW.....a case of failure to communicate if there ever was one. "Selective hearing" is a first cousin to "Spousal deafness" and both can lead to all sorts of emotional pain. We see what we choose to see....and often our eyes deceive us. Lydi**

[jacob erin-cilberto]

ah those first cousins...yes....

thank you for your words, Lydi...and the smile, as i hear strother martin saying that line in Cool Hand Luke...

j.

[Lydia Shutter]

Yup....what we got here, son, is failure to communicate! :) Those mirrored sunglasses and the big hat....who can forget?

[James]

I like the opening 'selective hearing', makes me that this was really a one-sided love affair and one where the speaker never really grasped that their love was not returned until the very end and it all hit him at once.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, James...sometimes we are so deaf to the truth, and blind too.

j.

[softlyfall]

Wonderful juxtaposition of reality/projection, love/hate. You are a master at that, fitting form to theme. Even down to the diminishing stanzas, analogous to diminishng hope.
I realize the general protocol here is to comment on theme, and I do, and I will... but such skilled form and structure is exciting to me.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Amy---i don't tend to structure so much, at least not consciously so when someone compliments form in my work, it is rather surprising, but quite pleasing.

j.

[softlyfall]

This is why I telk people its wise t earn the rules before you break them. Even in the breaking, the outcome is more cohesive and intelligent.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, smart advice---know it, then violate it, with reckless abandon....:))))

[Nessly]

This poem is so passionate. I love the way it's spaced so the reader takes breaths while reading. The title, "We had such a thing," suggests this is a memory. A beautiful memory indeed. Thanks for sharing. Its very well-written.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Nessly...

j.

[J. J. Nightingale]

Complications set in ... life took a turn

Unrequited love... that knowing..never heals..

At least you loved ... despite the cold..

Well Done........Jazz

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Jazz,

j.

[J. J. Nightingale]

YOU ARE WELCOME JACOB................................ JAZZY