the layout of us

the layout of us



we became coupled like slow freight cars
rolling down tracks of tenacity

aged, valiantly pulled along
toward some station of contentment

when we kissed, the doors opened
love spilled out onto the rails

the spillage built up over so many years
of passing the same scenery
and losing momentum

a toss of spontaneous coal
and the engine alighted
our hearts reconnected

like an old Lionel under the Christmas tree
we received the gift of
rebirth---

choo choo with you
rolling on
rolling through.


erin-cilberto
6/28/16

Reviews

[VALORMORE DE PLUME]

Interesting metaphor. Easy to follow the train of thought though.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, and extended visit, Valormore.

j.

[SJ Mullins]

Wonderful write, Jacob. Love the way you compare "us" to a train. Most certainly not something I would have ever thought of! Impressive, my friend. :) Love it! I am a "southern belle" who grew up in an east central Alabama railroad town. :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, dear "southern belle"...and letting me know how you relate to this.read morethank you for your kind words, dear "southern belle"...and letting me know how you relate to this.

j.

[SJ Mullins]

You're welcome, darlin'. You are a brilliant writer. Can't wait to read more. :)

[Vatsal Rohilla (account..]

Oh....lovely comparison. Excellently written. Liked the sound used in the last stanza. Life is a journey full of obstacles, moments of delight, moments of pain, moments of fun, moments of fear. This wonderful journey begins and has to end and it does so by slowing down and finally comes to a halt. Keep writing.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Vatsal.

j.

[James]

I still break my old Lionel trains out with the kids. I really enjoyed this, it had a positive feel and a true story about love and the journey it goes through. It's fast and fun at first, then slows down, but a spark can remind us why we fell in love and flare it back up.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your insightful words, James...i remember putting them around the tree every year.
read morethank you for your insightful words, James...i remember putting them around the tree every year.

j.

[Papaya]

I like this Jacob. Sometimes that spark needs a bit of fuel.
Also, I have a Lionel train too! Is there any other kind!? No way.
It's super, I love it. Great poem.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for sharing that...Lionel was what everyone had when i was growing up...appreciate your words, Ana.

j.

[Debbie_Philly]

I love this piece and I have to tell you I love trains... I hear them everynight from my bedroom... best sound in the world ;) Great work

[jacob erin-cilberto]

we sure do have a fascination for trains, don't we...amazing...

thank you, Debbie...

j.

[Sami Khalil]

Trains reach destinations. Others are derailed. Some are used for commerce and others for fun and tourism. I think those tracks are surely tenacious for they take a lot of beating like relationships. An excellent write, sir...:)................

[jacob erin-cilberto]

your review is so metaphorical...love it...thank you, Sami.

j.

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome muchly. .....:)))))

[Carolynn]

This one left a smile on my face, the ending is off track (haha) but in the sweetest way which I really like:) I felt like this was full of hope and possibility :) I'd quite like it if you stayed on this track :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Carolynn...

j.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

A derailed train may never be able to run again but love can always get back on track.
I like the choo choo with you bit.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

it surely can, Dale...thank you for your words...

j.

[Einstein Noodle]

"choo choo with you" ?????? :} i will forgive you for that and move past it ... rolling freight trains are incredible ... if you ever hop one (perhaps you have) everything is at risk for spillage ..and kissing can only be accomplished by clinging fast and hard to one another ... the Lionel under the Christmas tree is mahrvelous .. simply mahrvelous ... not one of your best for me but a great ride just the same ... the re-ignition and staying power are both something i will strive for today .. especially re-ignition ;)
E.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your honest words, E.....you tell it like you see it and feel it...

j.