the hush of what bubbles to the surface

the hush of what bubbles to the surface

 

 

the slow barge drifts

a heart longing,

wishing the tug boat would hurry

 

she is almost out of his current

her sails of freedom spread wide

with misunderstanding

 

the waves of rumor, winds inside her

what she heard was a tide reeling from a black storm

and she longs for easier oceans to navigate

 

complications are her captain

his chances of boarding slim

before the lightning struck

 

now he hopes he will anchor

and she will have an epiphany

 

find him again---

and settle beside him

in calmer, voiceless waters.

 

 

erin-cilberto

6/23/16

Reviews

[Lydia Shutter]

A sailing metaphor....right up my alley! "complications are her captain"....a truer line was never written. Every relationship has its own set of complications and sometimes they are impossible to navigate. There is hope for a brighter future in this one. I liked it. Lydi**

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, and relating to this, Lydi.

j.

[andrew mitchell]

This for me really showed the journey of life in a partnership be it marriage where the journey is slow, encountering the odd storm only to end up closer together, sharing the company where nothing has to be said, for everything is understood hence voiceless waters.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, andrew.

j.

[Carolynn]

I really like this one Jacob - maybe because I love the ocean. You've made it so easy to envision this in both ocean and human vessel. Many times one "vessel" is on a different course than the other and there's no stopping the separation of the two - it's just inevitable no matter if or how the other tries to keep up.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Carolynn....

j.

[Papaya]

I think the settling down comes after the storm of our Youth.
Good one Jacob.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i imagine so...
thank you for your visit and kind words, Ana.

j.

[Marianne Rose]

When you write "the slow barge drifts" it immediately sets the tempo for my reading- I like that - it immediately tells me not to hurry through this one, its rhythm like tides moving in and out. So I read it slowly, each line sinking in. The difference between her pace and yours is dramatic- "wishing the tugboat would hurry" and "her sails of freedom spread wide". It is clear you will never catch her. The rest of the poem helps us discover why . . . And though the hope is there at the end, even with the "anchor" and "settle beside him" phrases, it seems empty, like false hope. Don't know if you intended that or not- just one reader's emotional reaction - she's gone.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i really like your reaction....when i write the words come..i am like a conduit...and there are inspirations yes...but to me, poetry, once the writer lets it go, belongs to the readers...and most importantly it is what the reader sees that is important.

thank you for your review, Marianne.

j.

[Marianne Rose]

Yes- I experience that to- like someone else wants what I write to be said, if only to me. I so seldom edit anything I write I wonder if it can really be called poetry.

[V]

An oceanic image again. I like the mingling of somewhat dark and thoughtful pictures with the watery ones. A deep longing, hearts across a wide sea studded with turbulences and hope. I particularly like the words "voiceless waters", it reads so nice.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Vanessa.
j.

[barleygirl]

It's rare when I can follow a story written completely in metaphor, but your meaning is shining with clarity. I know this scenario well, stomping off in a huff, based on twisted understandings -- it has happened constantly in my birth family. I love your word choices & many well-crafted phrases, particularly the title. As always, you carry a metaphor consistently to its extreme thru-out!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, barleygirl---

j.

[redzone]

haven't read you recently Jacob and after reading your poem I realize what I have missed... there is the melancholy, and the hope carried by each wave.. there is the longing and wanting, the needing to be understood, to be able to steer this ship to safer shores... how often is love the danger of navigating between Charybdis and Scylla and coming out alive and in calmer seas... your poem took me in several different yet similar directions.. from your poem to Greek mythology to Shakespear's Othello (he too crashed in the dark storms of "rumor")... it was an enjoyable read Jacob, you, at your best.

redzone

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review and sharing how you related, Curt.

j.