notation

notation

 

 

 

woke up after a night of you

there was an impression on the other pillow

 

i had the impression 

i had really felt your inevitable conclusion

 

as your lips transitioned

into the soul of my context

 

verbose endings after silent touching

the latch on the door clicked

 

i rolled over, went back to sleep

dreamed of the next.

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

5/19/16

Reviews

[V]

How could I miss this small but brilliantly expressed ditty? I like the development of feelings (at least that's how it appears to me), particularly your blunt yet sharp ending.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your visit to my back pages, Vanessa, and your always very kind words,
j.

[V]

You're welcome. :)

[Carolynn]

You really describe this one so well it makes the reader envision the whole scene...great job expressing the "pretend not to care" feelings that go along with such a topic too :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your insightful words, Carolynn...

j.

[Alfred Kukitz]

It seems that emptiness is all inclusive, reaching for miles and more miles into the haze of illusion.

Regards,
Al

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, my friend.

j.

[Lydia Shutter]

NEXT.....one night stands and the emptiness they embrace expressed so well in this one. There is an austere feeling to the scene here. The lack of true emotion is nearly steely. You have brought us to the scene so well that I almost heard the latch clicking! Lydi**

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Lydi...
j.

[Einstein Noodle]

sounds more like dictation to me :))))ahahahaha! in the syntax of your sentence i hate the inevitable conclusion ... i want it to be happy ..can't help myself ... but your poem captured the emptiness of such relationships and that click of the door rang in my ears as loud as Big Ben striking .. reading your stuff always inspires me to try to learn more and get better ..you are such an intelligent craftsman wielding words like Errol Flynn with a sword .. read this several times ..it is so straight forward and stark but rich as well
E.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your very kind review, E.

j.

[W.k.kortas]

There is, as Ana S wisely noted, very much the feel of the transitory here, and I think the short stanzas and matter-of-fact tone serves to emphasize that. Well-built, well-executed, and well done.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, W.k.

j.

[aLittlePain]

To each a season.
'Verbose endings after silent touching' really like that line Jacob.

Rach x

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Rach.
j.

[Lyn Anderson]

It is a reality, that sometimes there are those people who enter our lives and leave, but we still feel their absence in some way ...

[jacob erin-cilberto]

so true...even the shortest stays can make for the longest memories.

thank you for being so supportive of my writing KL...you are always encouraging.

j.

[Autonomous]

A sad tribute to a fling. I'd say more but I honestly have no other words to say.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Z.

j.

[Matching Socks]

Makes me think of things short lived...

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Ana...

j.