Rewrites and Second Chances

Inspired by Shabeeh's title and words of his poem..."Woman in Transition"

 

Rewrites and Second Chances

 

 

 

 

a woman in transition

is a woman in translation

from a language we used to understand

that now is foreign and indecipherable

 

wondering what went wrong

is a transfusion without the blood

of passion,

 

dispassionate tubes attached to a bliss in Coma

eyes shut tight, but lids with movement

underneath the facade,

she wants to get away but isn't sure why

 

and it causes our heart to want to pull the plug

and cast our emotional fate to the chance

 

she might wake up,

in a new paragraph of feeling

one that beats in breezy understanding

 

and brings back to life

the old theme

that once resonated

when the organization of us

was a perfectly written essay

 

of love.

 

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

5/14/16

Reviews

[Sami Khalil]

"eyes shut tight, but lids with movement

underneath the facade,

she wants to get away but isn't sure why



and it causes our heart to want to pull the plug"

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Sami.

j.

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome. .....:))))

[Lyn Anderson]

Such is the nature of relationships that if one is transitioning out of one thing and into another, but the other is on the "outside" of that transformation there is a disconnect between the two -- at this juncture one joins or one waits, and sees what happens on the other side. As always, a wonderful write.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, KL...

j.

[barleygirl]

It's pretty interesting to read your poem here, since I am the woman in transition, starting this evolution where something is written to answer something else, and now includes 4 pieces of work posted on this website in the last day. Your first stanza couldn't be more true . . . this message is almost unrecognizable from the original impetus that started it all. I must beg to differ about the transfusion in the second stanza . . . it couldn't have been more packed with passion. There are certainly some who would prefer to pull the plug on my message. And again I must beg to differ about waking up . . . I've never been more fully awakened than during this back-and-forth. Anyhow, it doesn't matter. It's a very interesting interpretation, well expressed.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review and very insightful thoughts, barleygirl...and "differ" away :))))read morethank you for your kind review and very insightful thoughts, barleygirl...and "differ" away :))))
j.

[Sami Khalil]

Transitions do need translations especially when they look foreign and undecipherable. WE have to understand to move on or just stay put in the relationship. Moving away is the hardest part in the separation. A sad but beautiful poem...:)...............

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Sami.

j.

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome kindly...:)........................