Voice

Voice

 

 

you're my present tense, precisely

i am your past tense, predominately 

the future looks bleak, beckoning

 

mixing tense in a sentence

is a grammatical taboo

 

so goes my life with you.

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

5/12/16

Reviews

[Corset]

i love it, i like the push and pull feel of it

[jacob erin-cilberto]

okay, Twilight Zone moment...we were reading each other's pieces at exactly the same time...what are the odds?

thank you for your words, Corset.

j.

[Corset]

I noticed that ..lol

[Lee]

Unique writing style
Hmmm get the story
Well done sir

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Lee.
j.

[busterlee]

A writer's heartbreak. Unique and pleasing.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, busterlee.

j.

[mou]

Wow!!
Even after knowing that own name is entered in someones "past tense book" but still wants to save that name in the "present tense book" of own, surely reflect a precious feeling...!
Wonderful..
Thanks for sharing J.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, mou,

j.

[V]

Cleverly written with a sense of wit but also thoughtfulness, dreariness in it. I really love the line "the future looks bleak, beckoning". One of those lines that catch your mind and are able to make the entirety of words shine.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Vanessa.

j.

[...]

Your voice is clever and precisely what beckons a readers return whether it's predominately past tense or not. So...that makes your mixing grammatically ingenious...
So goes my opinion and review :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, lynn...

j.

[Einstein Noodle]

:) ....what can one say to that!? ... very effective yet subtle punch to the gut of your antagonist ...it makes me think of Bruce Lee and his art and advice to be like water ... i also find your poetic rebellious spirit invigorating ... a smart and enjoyable poem ...poor vagabond lover ... soul mate :( ... ... "the future looks bleak, beckoning" ... just can't let it go :(((
E.
ps i think in the first verse your last word punctuation are very effective ..putting that in the back of me noodle to one day "originally" think of ;)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, E.

j.

[Neville]

You are one helluva wordsmith jacob erin-cilberto. Bravo and many words to that effect...N

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, N.

j.

[Insight "MH"]

Clever use of grammatical terms as metaphorical masterpieces.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Insight...i appreciate your visit and kind words...

j.

[Insight "MH"]

You are welcome ^_^

[Adam Adams]

Nicely played with words, as usual, certainly, as always. Liked it! I never thought in that way about such present, past and future phases. Glad someone did. One of my favourites poetry!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Adams.

j.