perpetrator

perpetrator 

 

 

swan dives into your core

the landing unnerving

your heart drives me crazy

because it is inadmissible evidence of feelings

 

like a lie detector can be beaten by lack of emotion

a heart apparently stoic enough to do the same

but who is to blame,

who made her a suspect i could never apprehend

 

i thought i understood her words

when i dove into her poetry,

but something was missing

 

the pulse, the beat, she was not part of the music

there where only lines--split chords

and she was in between the syllables shining oddly

mostly just reflection,

not substance

 

and i dove into shallow premises

hurt my head on her hardness

the eyes of my emotions shocked

unconscious

 

now i don't want to come to

the conclusions

that would put me behind white walls of willful withholding

 

while you roamed 

just out of reach, 

a suspect of love, without enough evidence to convict.

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

4/8/16

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Altho I feel I'm not following your intended thread thru-out this poem, here's what comes to mind. First, there are very good writers who craft words but fail to inject feeling into them. Second, there are people who put on a good face, but fail to convey true feeling in their words or actions. In both cases, I don't think they intentionally hold back. Many times people haven't identified their true feelings. They've been going along with the flow so long, they don't realize their words & actions feel empty. I like the perpetrator analogy carried thru-out, but somehow the swan image doesn't fit for me.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

it's the attempt to dive into the core of the feelings...but sometimes there is nothing to dive into---sorry that threw you, barleygirl...but, as for the following...both your ideas fit perfectly...and my intended thread is always for the reader to be able to identify in some way to the poem, regardless of what caused me to write it.

and you identified two feelings, two situations that you were able to relate to, and i appreciate that immensely...

thank you.

j.

[...]

It's hard to say, sometimes people are just full of pretty words and writing them is like putting on make up. They like to make themselves look good, they have a good sales pitch. Sometimes the words ARE them without make up. Naturally beautiful and exposing it where it's safe to, in the arms of paper, journal, or screen. Away from harms way from emotional abuse. Everyone has a story. Some write fiction. Some write non fiction.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

and you write such insightful responses to poetry...this is better than the poem itself...thank you, lynn...

j.

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

We write poetry but so often so much of who we are is reflected within the words. Too, so much of who we long to be is written within those words. It is not surprising that one could fall for a phantom, a figment of our own poetic creation within someone else's words. We dive into poetry, immerse our souls, and long to become that poem.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this is all so true, Linda Marie...we create that perfection..strive to get it...yet most often the reality is less than the imagination.
j.

[hcarson]

if i'm understanding this correctly then i believe we have all been 'there'..i enjoyed this one..is that true about cheating a lie detector by lack of emotions..they were my favourite lines 'like a lie detector can be beaten by lack of emotion, a heart apparently stoic enough to do the same, but who is to blame...' something therre that itches at my mind..full marks from me

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, it is true about the lie detectors...and i thank you for your visit, h.

and your insightful words.

j.

[redzone]

in my best Queen of Hearts voice: GUILTY! GUILTY! GUILTY! Off with their head! Who need s evidence, I say GUILTY... watch out Jacob she is coming for you next not with her sword, but with "split chords" and "inadmissible evidence of feelings" ... poetry is so illusive at times, the metaphors play between the lines with syllables and it is hard to figure out what is being said... even when there is plenty of emotional evidence.. no worries Jacob, if they put you behind those white walls I will come and visit you, torture you by reading you some of her poetry..

Jacob, sorry man but I gotta ask, what kind a mess have you gotten yourself into this time??? lol

redzone

[jacob erin-cilberto]

no mess, just a poem...but....nice that you would come visit...and torture me with her poetry, whoever she might be.

thanks for the smile, Curt.

j.

[charlie]

This reminds me of 'melisma' a little bit (something I wrote one time).
It also reminds me of that woman who wouldn't "give it up for the boys" ... so they called her a w***e anyways ...


Interesting write, Jacob. Thanks for sharing.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i like your take on this...but then, i always enjoy reading where you come from with your responses...a sharp and creative mind you have, my friend.

j.

[charlie]

Anytime, Jacob - when time allows :)

[Bacchus]

Poetry can be a dangerous game.
Sometimes I feel like this writers cafe can be like an irritating gym.
We just can see too much-right?
We need to write, we need feedback- but we can't be falling for the form working out next to us...
guard your heart, friend.
until next time.
-Bacchus

[jacob erin-cilberto]

oooh i like this response...intrigue for sure with the poetry game...it can make us stronger, the workout, or kill us...

j.