old lessons

old lessons

 

 

 

the specter of you,

ghost mountain daredevil

no cane to rest your words upon

as you walk into the sunset of your poem

 

risking the fall that has followed you

from birth,

the girth of your enigma

a writer's dirge is to surge ahead

 

leaving behind reckless wounds

scars of broken climbs into musing clouds

 

i still look up to you now,

even though you have fallen at my feet

 

the debris

of what you used to be

a metric mess

of decaying drivel

a blank sheet of sense

 

i am still trying to understand

as i step out of my blue world

into yours.

 

 

erin-cilberto

4/3/16

Reviews

[Dean]

Here the poet gives us a nice contrast--his acknowledgement of vulnerability, and then proceeding directly to a critical assessment of the object's own failings, finally ending with a gesture of frustration--a rather fascinating study of contrasts from a single viewpoint. That's a lot to pack into one observation,
but it gives the reader some work to do. Kind of sneaky, but I say it with a voice of admiration. I'll take it on. :-)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your keen insights, Dean...appreciate your words,

j.

[Nandita Tankha]

amazing work sir....thanks for sharing

[Vatsal Rohilla (account..]

Sir, with kind and warm regards,
Your poem is a masterpiece. 'i still look up to you now,even though you have fallen at my feet' I liked these lines the best. A very engaging poem and I feel glad and honoured to read your work.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Vatsal..

j.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

I must day some wicked rhyming... we never understand why others are the way they don't understand why we are who we are. Sometimes we don't understand ourselves.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your insightful words, Dale.

j.

[Lydia Shutter]

Oh how the mighty have fallen. When you look up to someone for a long time, it is impossible to believe that person has a fatal flaw. "the girth of your enigma" ah, people of mystery are the ones we are determined to figure out. Then when we do, we often see they were all smoke and mirrors. I have to say, your poetry just amazes me. It continues to be so very well written and continues to make me think. Thank you. Lydi**

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your very kind words, Lydi...

j.

[Érenn]

Wow this is a great poem ^^ This one's all about the word choices that invoke lovely realistic imagery and the message in it. Makes me feel the narrator here is an old man, who is way past his prime or should I rather say he is now looking at a completely different world around him. HE wants to do what he once was capable of but now he can't and he is amazed at the same time sad how the world has grown and changed as he has grown. Now he merely observes this new world where seems to find no place or role to participate in ^^ Thank you for sharing ^^ I enjoyed it ^^

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your very insightful review, Erenn...

appreciate your words...i like what you took from it.

[James]

I see an old man staring at the world that has aged with him He longs to do the things he used to do, but knows he can't. The world he knew is long gone and he struggles to understand the new one he is looking at.

But, that's just me.

I really enjoyed this one and it still has me thinking.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

pretty spot on, my friend...thank you for your words.

j.

[Matching Socks]

This reminds me of my grandfather, quite the man in his day but suffering now from many things, including depression. He 's no longer the young man and has not the freedom anymore to be what he once was. I think losing his drivers license was what tipped it.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

much like my dad...thank you for sharing...it is sad isn't it? when those people we looked up to...now rely on us...but we always love them.

thanks for your words,

j.

[Matching Socks]

We always love them... :)
Yes, it is a bit sad, guess that's life though. It'll be us one day.

[CD Campbell]

When some people see that their gods have fallen, they turn on them like cannibals and devour every speck of their legend. But others, as with the narrator of this work, seem to love and understand deeply when the deity shows themselves to be human, tragically human. I remember my mentors... They were all together too embarrassing towards the end. As with all poets, they believed the myth harder when the fall was eminent. I think this work was insanely great. It sure made me think. CD

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I believe so strongly in your insights here, CD....and really appreciate them.

j.

[...]

I find no weakness in any of your expression. Every one of them solid, profound, and brilliantly executed. This is no exception....

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, lynn.

j.

[Alfred Kukitz]

I felt a little me in this poem. The heights of excitement & adventure until that old old story of Vietnam brought me down.

Great write!

Regards,
Al

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Al...and yes, that would bring you down, for sure.
j.

[alanwgraham]

This is great writing but I can fully identify with your line 'i am stil trying to understand' as I feel a bit stupid trying to understand this style of poem. However I'm really impressed by the way you put these words together and extract some meaning even if its like looking at a Mondrian. Well done!
Would you manage to read a story i have just completed called 'The letter'
Thanks,
Alan

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Alan...I tend to stick to the poetry because of limited time on here...but will try to check out your story...

j.