Girl

 

Girl

 

your hair sways in my breeze

wisps of logic fly away

as i absorb strands of impassioned imagination

muted sound escapes from my silent lips

an explosion of unsaid sentiment

resting like a bear in hibernation

at the mouth of a cave,

awakening stifled by circumstance

i can only see you from a distance

my eyes touch what i can't

you're the illusion

that makes me happily mad

as i bounce off the walls

of an unrequited dream

in my asylum of seventeen.

 

erin-cilberto

4/17/1o

Reviews

[Carolynn]

I think this describes a seventeen year old well, with their lack of logic and ability to think clearly when a pretty girl catches their eye. It took me back (way back) as I recall some of those awkward interactions :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for sharing how you related...yes, way back for me...that's for sure...but i still remember her---with much fondness--

j.

[Dhaye]

This takes me back to my high school days. The poem simply reminds me of puppy love, crush, or hidden admiration.
Well-penned.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Dhaye.

j.

[Rosalind Gale]

Hello J. I read this and I thought it darker than perhaps others may find it?! As you say, whatever is read in proves often to be the joy of poetry. It reminded me of being in a prison cell (not that I have been in one myself) - the "seventeen" being the cell number, or floor. Maybe love has been struck down by forced separation. Well, I enjoyed the piece, it felt like it flowed just from you, in a gush, rather than premeditated or letting "thoughts" block the natural stream. It is very lovely to have this time and read some of my favorite writers on here. Thank you Jacob.

Rosalind
-x-

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i really like your take, Rosalind...and at that age, there often is forced separation...i appreciate your kind words,

j.

[R.M.C]

I thoroughly enjoyed this piece. As a seventeen year old myself, I feel I can relate to the poem really well, especially as you've depicted the situation in such wonderfully imaginative ways; the use of the bear I feel suits the picture exceptionally well and your last line "in my asylum of seventeen" is very powerful and a very expressive of your very poetic and metaphoric mind. Just great.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, R.M.C.

j.

[R.M.C]

No problem; thank you for such an insightful piece.

[Lydia Shutter]

Admiring that special crush from afar.....thinking of all the things you will say if and when he/she ever comes close enough to hear your words. You have captured this so well...brought me back to high school even if just for a fleeting moment. Lines like "resting like a bear in hibernation" are just downright brilliant, my friend. Lydi**

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Lydi...glad you could relate to this one...

j.

[Richard🖌]

Hi, Jacob! : )
What deeply romantic admirer of the fairer sex could resist such a title?
Girl-watching and dreaming is my favorite pastime, and your sweetly enticing words in Free Verse have most certainly inspired and warmed the atmosphere for that irresistible notion.
I've read many of your pieces (far more than I've reviewed), each a virtual masterpiece in their own right, and this one is no different in that sense.
Though your works lack in proper grammar, they rather are composed and presented in verses that guide the reader through your intent, this one does not, but would benefit greatly by them … if you've a mind to accommodate us in such a way.
The single element I can assuredly single-out in your poems is how you skillfully inspire the reader to think and relate with the essence each offers … this one taking me back to a tender time of youth I've dreamt of countless times since.
That girl of my dreams and imagination still lives as vibrantly and enchantingly as ever, and in as much that you've inspired me, I think I'll close and do a bit of blissful daydreaming now. : )
Thank you, My Friend, for sharing the beauty of your poet's heart and soul! ⁓ Richard

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Richard, and your kind words on the other works...this one is just stream of consciousness...the pouring out of thoughts...

and whatever intent the reader finds in my pieces, i am all for it...

thanks again, Richard.

j.

[Bacchus]

Amazing one here. So much packed in- ending us all in a place we've been- seventeen. So well captured. A favorite one of yours.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Bacchus..

j.

[Alfred Kukitz]

All smiles here! What a beauty! If this didn't capture adolescent love nothing does!

Great write Jacob!

Regards,
Al

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Al...

j.

[gabrielle]

It's not always that i read something cute and sweet from you..So i am like this ---> .. ^_____^.. after i read the piece.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your sweet comment, Gabrielle....

j.

[highonwords]

wow - you clearly have the poetic gift - this poem is one of the many great things you have written - the helplessness and angst over falling in love at seventeen - the promise and imagination of young love is a dream to behold

best,
steph

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, steph.

j.