something caught in my eye

something caught in my eye

i choked on moonbeams

when i rolled over and you were gone

shades not drawn tightly enough

but me, curled in fetal position

need a drink of rain

to clear the heart

my blood pressure rose with you

as you slipped from the covers

in the cover of night

and left me to shadow my feelings

in a dark room,

with that one beam impaling me

with its man on the moon version

of "goodbye Mary, goodbye Jane

will we ever meet again?"

then i went back to sleep

a super tramp 

wandering through dreams of us

that never existed

even in dreams

erin-cilberto

3/26/16

lyrics by Supertramp

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Nice job describing the empty feeling of waking up & realizing your bed partner has snuck out in the night. Excellent imagery & metaphors: "choked on moonbeams" . . . "need a drink of rain" . . . & more. Also, good weaving of song lyrics & band name, not feeling forced, but a natural part of your message.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

you are very kind with your review, barleygirl.....thank you,

j.

[Ruth]

Fantastic Jacob! The severing felt and intense...the emptiness confused in itself and the rest...a personal journey through thoughts of yearning...brilliant :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Poppy...

j.

[highonwords]

i was hurt - i almost cried when you were gone - i became troubled - full of the certainty of my grief - i realized it was only me, only my heart beating for you, alone

this is what your poem spoke to me about - great writing, my friend :)

best,
steph

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, steph.

j.

[highonwords]

you're welcome, my friend :)

best,
steph

[Érenn]

An unusual read for me maybe because I am not aware of all the references made in the write. So let me talk about what I did like and understand ^^. Again sublime flow and vivid imagery invoked. For me this one is all about the word play and it's the way you have used them that creates this magic I feel that I might not be able to comprehend completely ^^' But from what I understood, this one feels like a night that never was to begin with or a night that was never meant to be but it happened and now one just wants to feel it never really happened and forget this night all together ^^ Sorry if I might have gone off track with this one. But I enjoyed this one regardless of that ^^

[jacob erin-cilberto]

never off track, it is how it reads for and to you....and i really appreciate your take on this poem...thank you for your words, Erenn
j.

[JayceeC]

J this one went to my library. I could have been satisfied with the first three strophes , but I like the Supertramp reference, (even if I'm going to be hearing it in my head all day now). If i even started telling you what I liked about this, I'd sound like a groupie, so I'll refrain lest I scare you into thinking you've got a poetry stalker. ;)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

you are very kind with your review,

thank you so much,

j.