just functional words and a face

just functional words and a face

 

 

you were a poem to me,

but the rhyme slanted a bit too much

alliteration interrupted one too many times

the meter felt awkward, 

as if you weren't really speaking from the heart,

 

your theme diluted

i had read you with inept lenses

saw deep suggestions of love

 

but

 

passion parted the lines with parody

true love seldom wins when favored

underdog emotions find concept convoluted

 

no matter how many times i reread,

my interpretation of you

never sets right with my logical self

 

yet my dreams still fuse 

in black and white.

 

 

erin-cilberto

3/18/16

Reviews

[W.k.kortas]

It's probably a dead heat as to which is less trustworthy, lovers or poetry. I found this unusually plaintive in tone for your work, but certainly in no way that could be seen as excessive or distracting. The language and pacing are just too well executed for that to happen here.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, W.k.

j.

[Érenn]

Haha oh come on why am I reading this one so late. Well knowing me and my journey with poetry so far I couldn't help but interpret it more than one ways, maybe because if I only considered the first part of your poem it felt like it was a conversation happening within me, about how i should proceed with poetry. And I do that a lot. This feeling of how too much technicalities might dilute the meaning and feeling of the poem. It's those inner voice conflicts of mine.

Now if I consider the poem as a whole, all i would say is that if only we learn to actually see through the illusion and notice the reality of all. If things like love were so easily achievable, well..... broken hearts wouldn't be that famous of a term and not come up in top suggestions while using Google. Fact is we need to learn how to look first and then look at what is really happening and learn from it and then adapt if possible. Although the latter part is never easy. Again wonderful job with the flow and superb analogy here one of my favorites of yours for sure. Will visit this page time and again.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for all your colorful insights on this one...appreciate your visit, Errenn.
j.

[Ed Hart]

how many times have we been promised a rose garden, and never took thought for the thorns...or, better yet, this is how we slowly learn to look at what we are seeing, and to see what we are looking at (if we learn at all)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, if we learn at all...you are so perceptive...

thank you, Ed,

j.

[highonwords]

you were someone i love, but i felt your indifference and insincerity, love that felt untrue, love that i couldn't trust - while my feelings are still there with you, for you, reason tells me that i should let these feelings go - yet, you're all i see and i still want you

this is how the poem spoke to me, jacob - a wonderful write from you, everything seamless and glorious - great writing :)

steph

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for the kind review, steph.

j.

[highonwords]

you're welcome, jacob :)

steph

[Lydia Shutter]

Why do we keep the fantasy image alive when a relationship has soured? Why do we see only the good and forget the bad? "Reading" another through rose colored glasses is not unusual, but unfortunately can lead to a heartbreak. I liked the alliteration in this one. Lydi**

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Lydi...

j.