visions of still life

visions of still life

your eyes were just a little too tawny

a darkness within the tender cornea of exuberance

delightful dancing, the retinas retaining confidence

even as you questioned everything about yourself

and your blonde wisps of wisdom expressed

the deepest knowledge of spirit

i found myself staring into the space of you

and became part of the collective intuition

which i have held onto all these years

your voice in varicose perception

draws lines in my memory

but i am still peering into iris dawns

each morning i imagine

you are looking over your shoulder

from wherever you are.

erin-cilberto

3/4/16

Reviews

[J Manuel]

Right from the start, you perfectly wrote on how the transparency of the cornea allows you to see right into the essence of the individual’s ebullience. Furthermore, “the retinas retaining confidence” takes me to place in comparing the retinas place in the third region of the inner coat of the eye to that of the trinity of the body, soul and spirt and how confidence exudes through these primary sources, well put. “I found myself staring into the space of you”, I mean one cannot get any deeper than that when two souls connect. “Varicose perception” draws me into the images of neurons within the brain as one gets lost in memory of one close to heart. Lastly, “each morning I imagine you are looking over your shoulder from wherever you are” brings it home to a sad place where probably the last goodbyes were said. Excellent

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you so much for your kind review, J.

j.

[J Manuel]

Thank you sir

[.]

Another very thought provoking write, Jacob.
As with all of your poems, one really needs to think deeply about the themes and message portrayed within.

To me this poem is speaking of the writers inability to let go of a love from the past. Always being haunted by her vision in his memory and always thinking in his mind that maybe she is haunted by his vision too.

Great use of metaphors and excellent writing, as always. Long live the Yankees!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your insightful review, Doodley...yes, a friend i will never forget...a gem...

appreciate your words, and yes, Long live the Yanks.

j.

[highonwords]

i read this like i was peering among the leaves in a cemetery garden, or peering over the writer's shoulder, trying to sneak a memory/picture from the grasps of time that takes moments away from us

[jacob erin-cilberto]

such a keen interpretation of this piece, thank you,Steph...

j.

[alanwgraham]

I have to be honest - I get the theme of the difficulty of visualising a missing loved one but I am struggling to appreciate some of your metaphors eg 'cornea of exuberance' and 'varicose perception'. Your other reviewers seem to get it so I accept i have a way to go - can i sign up at one of your classes?
Your poem does convey the depth of feeling well!
Alan

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i appreciate your honest words, and poetry is a funny thing...it hits certain people and pushes the buttons, and other times it misses the mark with some readers...each reader is different and i think once a poet lets a poem be read...it belongs to the readers...appreciate your words, alan...
j.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

what a cool avatar, alan!

love it...

[alanwgraham]

Ta Jacob, It fell out of a tree and it fitted, both my head and my interest in 'green' matters.
read moreTa Jacob, It fell out of a tree and it fitted, both my head and my interest in 'green' matters.
Cheers, Alan

[Jimmy Yetts]

Incredibly perceptive; beautifully expressed.
A read that lingers!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Jimmy...

j.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

We know that the eyes can deceive us as to what is beautiful, that is why we must look with our hearts to find what truly is beautiful, and love present or past is the most beautiful thing we can experience.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

what you say is so true, my friend....thank you for these words of wisdom...

j.

[h d e rushin]

it is incredible how the inanimateness of a person from our memory is, in fact, a still life. Where,
say a painter, has time to arrange the locations and the conditions of the objects he wishes to capture.
In real time, memory draws you a picture (whether imagined or un-imagined) expressed from the
"deepest knowledge of your spirit" perhaps even from the times you've shared. This analogy is so apropos
in this digital age where so many breakups and hookups are done with so much half truth and emptiness.

As always you start with an analogy, then you build an unstoppable story to support it.
Great formula.......dana

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, dana....i couldn't paint a good enough picture of who she was...just an amazing person....

j.

[Lydia Shutter]

What a lovely thought....she is looking over her shoulder and smiling, Jacob....what a touching tribute to a friend who obviously meant so much. Not only a tribute, but a character study....I would have liked to know her. Lydi**

[jacob erin-cilberto]

you would have liked her immensely...thank you lydi.

j.

[W.k.kortas]

I love the opening line--a little zig when one would normally expect a zag, as it were, plays off the remainder of the piece very nicely. It's wistful, certainly, but more than that--there's a palpable longing here, and it's made that much more affecting by the fine ear you have for finding just the right tone. Fine, fine stuff.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, W.k.

j.

[AYVID N]

Some visions make lasting impressions on our souls. Those eyes seem to follow forever. What I wouldn't give to be peering into them again...My compliments on great poetry.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you so much for your words, DIVYA...
j.