death by circumstance

death by circumstance

 

 

 

i fall onto jagged conclusions

stumbling over a cliff of thematic pain

you keep getting older in your semantic seclusion

 

and i am unable to read your sentences

or hear your exclamations, 

the lines went as dead as your ability to communicate

 

but i remember that look in your ancient eyes

it's about a life on the verge of something else---

--- that spark is still there,

 

you speak volumes

without uttering a word,

and the miles that separate us

 

are lapped up by a pen out of fuel

that still drives itself crazy

when distance is relative.

 

 

erin-cilberto

1/30/16

Reviews

[V]

Deep and emotional, though it seems to be written in a rather sober manner (my first impression), there are feelings carefully woven into each line; a sense of desperation, unknown, wondering. I like the expression: pen out of fuel.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i really appreciate your words, Vanessa.

j.

[Emily B]

have been here a few times and you've drawn it with true grace

lovely to read you

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for the kind words, Emily...
j.

[Great Aunt Astri]

You have captured the helplessness felt by a relative when an elder is on the 'verge of something else' and in 'semantic seclusion'. I often wonder if my dear Mum knew that we were sitting by her bed-side. I like the ending of your poem 'when distance is relative'. Was that an intended play on words?(relative)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your empathetic words,Aunt Astri...

j.

[JayceeC]

J. I think this poem is one that will be read by many and take on its own meaning to your reader. I have several poet friends who are now off-line because of life events, and after so much daily contact, it's like a friend who has moved across the country.
But there are many mentors both in within the writing community, that leave us, for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes, we are the ones who do the leaving, because we outgrow them, or simply are looking for our own paths. --but how to honor them, with what we think they deserve, sometimes there just are no words.
jan x

[jacob erin-cilberto]

but your kind words are really soothing...thank you for that, Jan.

j.

[Norman 223]

I found myself reading this on two levels - one poignant as an elegy for a lost loved one, the other as the frustrations of writers block. Both tragic in their own way, but the latter is recoverable.
Plenty of food for thought in this poem,

N

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, always appreciate your visits, Norman.

j.

[Aura Devour]

This is such a sad yet strong piece.
"i fall onto jagged conclusions
stumbling over a cliff of thematic pain
you keep getting older in your semantic seclusion" ---- those first lines just hit me.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Aura.
j.

[softlyfall]

You have been doing a lot of thinking about this man, your poems show such love and respect. It is s cruel cruel twist that the very old, who have the most to say, have language and communication denied them in the end. Like you, this causes me so much sympathetic pain to witness.
Some very strong phrases throughout, some wonderful alliteration (subtle too, the best kind), a wonderful break from a third person description to a personal revelation in the last stanza.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you so much for your words, softlyfall...
yes, a tough situation---almost as if he were in prison and i wasn't allowed to visit---will see him in May one way or another---appreciate your sentiment and kind review.

j.

[Sami Khalil]

Wow. And you speak volumes with your words and imagery. Your pen runs with beauty even in sadness and heartbroken tones. Excellent, sir....:)))))

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Sami.

j.

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome muchly. ....:)))))

[Patricia Wedel]

dear Jacob, "that look in your ancient eyes... on the verge of
something else... that spark is still there". There is a beauty in
being so wise... like an old book that is a "page-turner".
There are people who think aging is unpleasant to be around.
I have been diagnosed with deterioration at the top of my spine
"due to aging" which manifests itself by headaches off and on and
pains in my body. Then gout in my foot visits me when least expected.
And yet, I have the curiosity of a young child🔮. One must be Strong
and be thankful if you have a sense of humor. Amen... truly, Pat

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind and insightful words, Pat...i still see a fire in his eyes, even though age is wearing him down so much....i am like you...even as i age, chronologically...i am still in my twenties, at least in my mind.

[Zugzwang]

Cool poem.
To me it's about the tyranny of distance from an aged loved one.
The metaphors of falling off a cliff and pen/car were particularly striking and worked well at evoking impactful emotions (imho).
Lots to think about here....
Z.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i like where you went this, Zeitnot....insightful words from you, and i appreciate them.

read morei like where you went this, Zeitnot....insightful words from you, and i appreciate them.

j.