flickering hearts

flickering hearts

 

 

 

the moon's missing a few bulbs

it only used a quarter's worth last night

but your face still shone like a silver dollar

in my breezy hand

 

while the trees wept in smiles

as the night shade drew itself closed

and our lips fused against 

 

what little energy we had saved

to draw in that last slit of light

before our eyes closed.

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

1/15/16

Reviews

[J3ssInJupit3r]

I really liked your imagery. You captivate the reader with the first stanza and the metaphor that you use between the moon and her face was perfect. Such a beautiful work of art and I am so glad that you shared it! Thank you!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words,
j.

[daninstockholm]

I very much like the imagery here, the way the phrases melt together. A big debate among some people who either love or hate poetry, who write or read poetry, is how does a poem mean, I'm not an expert, (you know that, you've read my work, lol), but in my world a poem is individual to the reader, it means whatever the reader takes from it, regardless of the intent of the poet, Or to put another way, give the poet credit for whatever a reader finds in the work.. In regards to poems like this, where the imagery is not as crystal clear as so many others,,This is the poets prerogative,and it's how the poem writes its self, in my world anyway, so there's never a fault if the poet has sufficient command of the tools of language,and you, my friend, definitely have that, in abundance. An excellent work.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i feel exactly as you do about poetry...whatever the reader finds in the words, that is what counts.
the bulbs are shining bright...

j.

[William Gardner]

I always loved reading frost, yeats and rilke and imagining what it would be like to simply be in nature to write about the trees, not encapsulated in an electrical force field surrounded by planes and power lines. That is what resonates with me in this piece, the uncertain, uncomfortable meshing of our silly world and how it affects the world around us... or how it doesn't. Thank you Jacob, hope you are well.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i really like that insight of this poem William, thank you so much.
yes, Yeats...and one of my favorite poets, Plath, lived in Yeats' house...she was so excited to do that.
j.

[Alfred Kukitz]

Comedic, sweet! I love how this little poem fills the page.

Regards,
Al

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Al.

j.

[747]

Short, powerful, and full of beauty. A lovely piece.

Though, "as the night shade drew itself closed" I think should be "night's"
But that is only my opinion.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

the reference isn't to the night outside, it is called a night shade as a covering... but i appreciate the head's up....thank you for that...and for your kind review.

j.

[747]

Ah, fair. Thank you for clearing that up

[Mary Helda]

"while the trees wept in smiles"..this was my favourite line,it immediately took my imagination into another place,,wondering..you use excellent imagery..fantastic poem

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Mary.

j.

[Cryingkate]

Hmm...... I'm having difficulty with this one
I was drawn in by the title but never made a connection as I was still looking for the flames of flickering.
Somehow my connotation could not connect light bulbs flickering in and out. I was stuck on flickering as in a flame of fire.
Second.. I cannot see an image of how trees wept with smiles....very difficult to see.. unless I force the bending bows s smiles and see them wet with rain = tears.
By the time I reached the 3rd stanza ! Things were much brighter.. for I felt I was in twilight zone and couldn't make sense of it.
However........ While writing this review and discovering the flickering was about light bulbs and not flames.
I am encouraged to think that perhaps this would flow smoothly (mentally) for those who are much brighter them me. Perhaps they could see the images more quickly.
Perhaps this would be the flicker for those brighter lights out there :-)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

that half moon flickers through the trees..like a full moon but with bulbs missing making it have less light..and they cry tears of joy for the lovers...some poems just connect with some readers...but some don't...that is just the way of poetry...has nothing to do with anyone being brighter than another...just taste and relating...i am glad to get your honest review, Connie.
j.

[Cryingkate]

Thanks Jacob.. Yeah can see the smile now... Thanks Jacob....
I enjoy reading your poems and searching for those mental connections.
Just letting you know. This was too hard for me :-)
Keep writing.. I'm still a fan :-)

[ms. barrie]

a most poignant poem, stunningly melancholic imagery writ with astounding eloquence.
...thank you for sharing, Sir! *favs.*

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you again for your kind words, barrie.

j.

[ms. barrie]

you're very welcome, jacob....always a pleasure to read your ink :)

[Corset]

Does the moon not seem quite as bright tonight ...wonderful poetry friend, loved it!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Corset...:)))

[JayceeC]

I always enjoy the imagery you bring to love poems J. This one when I read it I had to go back and read. I love the action going in and the night as a bystander to it all. The only suggestion I'd that perhaps the drew/draw hits to close together in the poem.
Overall though this is delightfully soft and romantic.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

will consider your suggestion, thank you for your words, Jaycee...

j.