walking away

walking away

 

 

 

comfortable shoes

blue news,

hush puppy lies i don't want to hear

 

deceased heels, she used to wear patent leather music

when her heart sung

and those soulful eyes, i would weak kneed become

 

she lashed me with her smile

me, in my comfortable shoes

heard the blue news

 

hush the voice laced with grief

when the telephone rang

the sad news it sang

 

now my sole is worn

from tears running in place

i still see her face, in the vinyl mirror

 

and the comfortable shoes

that sit idle in my closet

under the old jeans of memory

i no longer wear, either.

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

1/15/16

Reviews

[Jennesis]

'Hush puppy lies I don't want to hear'

what a great line! Its like we become so comfortable we don't want to hear the realities of the truth. I can take this trip with you, memories folded up like clothes in the bottom drawer we no longer wear, but the song still strong in our hearts. beautiful Jacob~

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Jenn....appreciate your visits very much.

j.

[annalysiar]

I like the words of this poem how they're used.
..great write

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, annalysiar...

j.

[iand63]

Our ears can ring with bells that don't beckon to a brighter day. There are a few mirrors in my collection I don't look for reflections in any more. Nice one J.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, ian...

j.

[Cassie]

I like the way you are always descriptive, your words, phrases..from you I get to learn new phrases. Thank you for that and for this. Always to the poing

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Cassie.

j.

[Rye]

I really adored your write, I am guessing you used this as a metaphor write, Really nicely written and creative.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, jellybeam.

j.

[Rye]

No problem

[softlyfall]

I have noticed that you have developed a style that use mixed metaphors and allusion. This is a relatively uncommon literary device, a rhetorical trope called catachresis. Emily Dickinson was a master.
Usually poets attempt it and create absurdities at best and annoyances at worst.
You have it nailed...almost
In my opinion you overuse it just a bit and that serves to reduce the impact of the implied irony.
I thinks its wonderful that so many people relate and respond to the poetry you write. It tells you they are open to nuances and uniqueness.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your honest review, softlyfall...

appreciate your reads, and words...read morethank you for your honest review, softlyfall...

appreciate your reads, and words...

j.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Emily was the best, in my mind...

she's my favorite...with Plath a close second.
read moreEmily was the best, in my mind...

she's my favorite...with Plath a close second.

j.

[David W Moore III]

the imagery here is great as well. the thought of you looking down at shoes while mourning multiplies that emotion. well done.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, David.

j.

[J3ssInJupit3r]

deceased heels, she used to wear patent leather music
when her heart sung
and those soulful eyes, i would weak kneed become
I really enjoyed this part of your poem first of all, it was interesting and different. I have never read words put together so beautifully like that. You are very poetic and the poem is a tragic heart ache. I love how you focused on the shoes too. This was a wonderful poem and I can't wait to read more from you. THank you for sharing.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, J3...

j.

[TL Boehm]

oh oh oh she used to wear patent leather music
when her heart sung now that is pure poetry - a heart tugging poem but WOW did I savor it.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Tammy...

j.

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

Sorrow nestles in the soul. Old soles and old jeans may hide in the closet, but we can never hide from that which is within, so often affected by that which is without. It clings like dust; and no matter how we try to shake it off, it seeps through the pores and flows in our veins.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Linda Marie...

j.