sheet music

sheet music

 

 

caustic blues,

acid tones

strings disintegrate 

in the moody liquid night

 

the sax intrudes 

horns disturb in sassy traffic

 

drums tap

heavy handed

she sheds a tear

leaves lipstick on her cigarette

a shade that was meant for his lips

 

 

outside a neon light 

flickers, a couple letters missing

 

burned out like she is

 

 

she looks around for a match

hums along with the band.

 

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

12/1/15

Reviews

[Chris]

This one has the heart. Ties so many aftermaths into existence...

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Chris.

j.

[redzone]

like we used to say, "cool man, cool" as we snapped our fingers to the beat of the "sassy traffic" words.. Jacob, you paint her well and yes, it is the blues.. that's 2 nice lines: " leaves lipstick on her cigarette/
a shade that was meant for his lips" there are too many broken women out there "humming with the band" and a number of men too...

a question: why "moody" in the 4th line? am I missing something about the needed beat? just wondering....

redzone

[jacob erin-cilberto]

partly for emphasis, but also a slight reference to the Moody Blues...and the strings they use from orchestra in their songs...

thank you for your words, Curt.

j.

[redzone]

Thanks Jacob, i was going to ask that but then shied away.. lol.. i loved that about their music, the strings and even a full orchestra... one of the things that made their music so good and unique...

[Emily B]

so much has changed, but so much stays the same

it is a joy to be able to read you

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Emily.

j.

[alifeacoustic]

I can hear the drummer keeping tempo with your words as the scene plays out. A perfectly painted picture Jacob. I see the scene ending with a close up of her eyes, fading to black.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, alife...

j.

[andrew mitchell]

Wonderful imagery Jacob, and you see this alot with neon letters not working or missing , some lonely figure dressed to the nines and in the background if you walked away you would hear the jazz notes in the distance.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, andrew...
j.

[Jimmy Yetts]

You've certainly recreated the scene; captured just the right mood.
Hit me with some of that sax!
Beat even for the unbeaten!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Jimmy.

j.

[olla]

it is always a pleasure to come and see what you have been about.. "sheet music" how appropriate.. I can't say more than what has already been said.. but it certainly has hit a few chords I can recognize..

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, olla,

j.

[jesserose99]

sings of beat poetry in some tiny café in the the 1950's somewhere. I love it...moves with the music. Words each have their tone too. I can see her, because I know her...moved by the music through to the spirit. too good as usual!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you so much, jesserose...i grew up (poetically) with the Beats...was weaned on them and inspired to start writing, by them...
appreciate your words, muchly...
j.

[patricia]

love the line...burned out like she is...
and the ending

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, patricia...

j.

[Julia Ledo]

Love this, can really feel the 'sassy traffic' of the sax. Love the descriptions.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Julia.
j.