adolescent adverbs

adolescent adverbs

 

 

 

dim witted verbs

claustrophobic clauses

prepositions trying to get out of

 

contention with the articles who disrespect

i saw an adjective hiding in the shadows...

 

but no noun bold enough to go near it

just some interjections jeering undercover

 

of a night

of run-on love

 

and objects of disconnected affection

a physical gerund

wanting to be the subject of attraction

but a longer sentence

than three words said in the heat of passion

 

feelings paused by a comma

but not enclosed forever with a period.

 

the ellipsis 

of frustration

 

relative phrases

of immature phases...

 

 

erin-cilberto

11/29/15

Reviews

[ExquisiteEyes]

Wow! Absolutely wonderful. I, as a teenager, can relate to the words. I like the words- 'ellipsis of frustration'.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words...

j.

[Sami Khalil]

We all go through those phases indeed in relative chaos of passions. We feel worthy when we get attention and fleeting affection. But then comes the heartbreaks and much agony if we can't hold on to the one or dreams. More likely dramas. An excellent write, Jacob...:)..............

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your insightful comments..as always.

j.

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome generously. .....:)......

[icelandicblue]

When I read my early work I cringe. I modified some unintended subjects...As always I appreciate your wit and style as you play with language so deftly.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Anne.

j.

[poet_feefee]

I really enjoyed this. The lines "feelings paused by a comma/but not enclosed forever with a period" are my favorite due to the passive voice.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, poet_feefee

j.

[David Scott]

You are brilliant with your sarcasm. It almost seems kind. Truth... it stings a little.
I cringe at some of the immaturity of my won work and thinking. This is a pastime, a hobby interest, and a therapeutic escape for me and others. Yet we are blessed to see skilled, well crafted, professional work like yours.
If only... then again, would we appreciate fine wine if we never tasted thinner nectar?
Well crafted Jacob.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, David.

j.

[W.k.kortas]

"(R)un-on love"...that pretty much distills things to their essence. If you think about it, one supposes the pretty much all adverbs, describing our actions and all, are more or less adolescent by their nature. There is a veneer of fun here, but the final three stanzas show us it there is somewhat deadly business afoot.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your insights, as always, W.k.---you get to the meat of things..

j.

[AYVID N]

Wow! Such profound truth. And it doesn't just pertain to the young. We are just as susceptible to this folly. Pain is a natural fall-out then. The use of grammatical terms is brilliant here.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, DIVYA...

j.

[AYVID N]

It's a pleasure all mine. You are welcome.

[Alfred Kukitz]

These kids know their grammar unfortunately applying it to life is problematic. I like the small hint of humor!

regards,
al

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Al...

j.

[andrew mitchell]

A fantastic play on words and meanings. Excellent standards you set Jacob

[jacob erin-cilberto]

you are very kind, andrew...

thank you.

j.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

If the words I love you are said the first time during coitus then it holds no water... we are known to it even as adults sometimes.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, we are...thank you, Dale...always appreciate your visits...

j.