memory needling

memory needling

 

 

 

there is an old man on a mountain

tears climbing his cheeks,

to his ancient eyes

his mind a bit on the down slope

but there is still a fire in his gut

that burns for his once-was bride

 

years erode the rocks,

and he was one of them,

yet his love of family could move

the very mountain atop which he rests now

heading into autumn's curve

 

then winter, the straightaway he has driven

for so long,the road's bones smooth

like a timeless medallion,

his hair white as the snow on the peaks

of eternity

 

his heart, still as volcanic

as a child's recklessness

spewing the lava that 

would map his future

 

ending in a winding trail

deep among the silent pines

that still whisper his name

as he feels her breeze

gently tug on his sleeve.

 

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

11/11/15

Reviews

[Adam Adams]

You paint some sorta poly-chromatic imagery in words that how one gets or tuns to old in a blink .. with some .. a very few season changes, which's apparently huge changes, but in love, it's all short.. ev'n way shorter than one may imagine on ... "things go turned into memories with seasons, love hardly goes faded away but whatever seems to be remnant around.. goes ravaged with life, on bay." Nice and very deep poetry you've come up with!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Adams...

j.

[Jennesis]

The imagery reminds me of so many seasons of life. We are worn and weathered, but it's the values and relationships that never stop whispering. Beautiful ~

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words it is so good to see you again...

j.

[Cascara (aka Sprint Goe..]

I like the sweet ending - they're a comforting contrast to the angstier words from earlier.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Sprint...

j.

[maricoona91]

I really liked the imagery here. I liked the image of this man alot: kind of a backwoodsy solid male figure, very likeable as a character goes. I liked the imagery of your teenage heart being a spewing volcanoe which determines where your life goes. I thought that image could be used in other creative works as well! Every stanza has strong and unique images.
Marina

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, marina...

j.

[surething]

I really enjoyed reading this poem. I imagined every aspect, and had a detailed picture in my mind. The wear and tear of life really can make a person physically down, but a soul will never endure that eroding. No matter what damage it might have hit upon it, a soul will eventually rebound.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, surething.

j.

[B. Boileau]

You've perfectly described me... Especially the line "His mind a bit on the down slope" How did you know ?
A pleasure as always J.
bill

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Bill...

j.

[alifeacoustic]

Beautifully captured Jacob. The volcanic heart still burns and controls the path we take as the memory plays on the path we took. Wonderfully written, with every line stronger than the last.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, alife.
j.

[Dhaye]

This is emotional for me as I think of how I will behave when I am old.
I am always touched of a love story that stays until the man and woman are old and until the end. Maybe, their memories will go back to some points in their lives...but to think that those memories left are those happy days full of love for each other...

Thanks for sharing this excellent piece.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words and the sharing of your feelings...my folks were married 70 years...

j.

[Einstein Noodle]

sorry to butt in ..:} but that is wondrous jacob!!! 70 yrs. .. so blessed ..makes me happy to read it!! love and joy bro!
E.

[Brittany Bostic]

This is one of my favorite poems you have written. The last stanza was fantastic! I loved the use of imagery through out the poem as well as the emotion the poem brought me to. I get a strange sense of peace.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Brittany...

j.