memory needling

memory needling

 

 

 

there is an old man on a mountain

tears climbing his cheeks,

to his ancient eyes

his mind a bit on the down slope

but there is still a fire in his gut

that burns for his once-was bride

 

years erode the rocks,

and he was one of them,

yet his love of family could move

the very mountain atop which he rests now

heading into autumn's curve

 

then winter, the straightaway he has driven

for so long,the road's bones smooth

like a timeless medallion,

his hair white as the snow on the peaks

of eternity

 

his heart, still as volcanic

as a child's recklessness

spewing the lava that 

would map his future

 

ending in a winding trail

deep among the silent pines

that still whisper his name

as he feels her breeze

gently tug on his sleeve.

 

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

11/11/15

Reviews

[Lily Finch]

Amazing.....your writes are so unique and deep....
I just love it.....

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you so much for your kind words, Lily.

j.

[Firebird]

I love this. It's beautiful. Thank you for sharing it.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Firebird...

j.

[Cryingkate]

There seems to be a familiar whisper that we both are hearing these days.
I enjoyed the journey. It was a smooth relaxing, familiar walk.
I tried and tried to find an exact point of your reference but was totally immersed in a journey.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Connie...glad you could find a way to relate...

j.

[rubie]

such stark juxtaposition here. you have captured the essence of aging so well....the body betrays the heart and the mind, and that is so very sad to watch....

a very poignant write.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, rubie....

j.

[Alisa Js]

The passages of time are certainly another reminder to stay in the present....to live and love each day to its fullest...

[jacob erin-cilberto]

so true...thank you for your words, Alisa...

j.

[Ruth]

Such unconditional love can create anything deemed possible or impossible...the heart is stronger than mind, sometimes :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes it is..thank you, Poppy.

j.

[Pryde Foltz]

ending in a winding trail
deep among the silent pines
that still whisper his name
as he feels her breeze
gently tug on his sleeve.

A wonderful verse … it is odd given its verse but you have captured something that is found in the best senryu/haiku … nature of course but that fabulous symbolism … so crisp and deep.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Pryde...

j.

[Jimmy Yetts]

Stark and lovely imagery.
A masterful tale!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Jimmy.

j.

[Einstein Noodle]

i love your first verse!! could simply dwell there and go no further ... especially the tears climbing .. just brilliant ..i don't quite get the "needling" in the title .. seems trivial for a mountain .. first two lines of the second verse ..exquisite!! .. then "family.." seems too concrete in comparison .. i like the man being the mountain but reversing it leaves me wanting ... love that first verse!!
E.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind and honest review, E.

i will consider the "family" issue.
read morethank you for your kind and honest review, E.

i will consider the "family" issue.

j.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

his memory is needling because it is getting scarcer and scarcer at 96 years old...it's almost in the back of his mind...the little that prods at him.

[CD Campbell]

Thoughtful. I could go a lot of places with this. Tear it apart metaphorically so to speak. But I think I will sit back and absorb it as one does an oncoming wave. CD

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, CD...
j.