attic conversations

attic conversations

 

 

 

 

the upstairs in my heart

is riddled with boxed up emotions

dusty denotations

literal languishing in lonely lobotomy 

no conundrum

just untouched love breeding echoes

 

maybe those sounds i hear at night

in my dreams,

not strong enough to wake me

but cold enough to produce shivering sighs

ghost like demolitions of cardboard feelings

 

the memories creek with the sprinkling of moonbeams

as i lie silent

staring at the ceiling

wondering why i am so afraid

to go up there.

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

8/21/15

Reviews

[alan peter kelly]

Lovely word play...the metaphor, the almost literal correlation between dream and waking...there are ghosts with which one must contend before boxes can be opened, aired, thrown away...a metaphoric cancer requiring radical surgery as though that often occurs...I have grieved well beyond the shelf life of a loss. I have used it as excuse to continue failing. I have not yet opened my own attic chest and yes...there are ghosts up there with who I must first have exorcised. Enjoyed this write and thank you for your review of my new poem. Alan

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, and sharing how you relate to this, Alan.

j.

[alan peter kelly]

:) will be back.

[Gee]

Just an idea Jacob,write one,mail it to me,I'll post as my own,only us two will know, all and sundry will read, marvel at my new found brilliance.What d'ya think ????Ah well,only a thought.I do so enjoy your writing even if I do sometimes struggle to decipher.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

you're too funny....thanks for the smile, Gee.

j.

[Gee]

My pleasure

[rubie]

i love the imagery of a cluttered mind....

it's so much easier to clear out physical clutter than it is to clear out emotional clutter. and the latter is so much more damaging.

the metaphor is executed to perfection.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, rubie.

j.

[ReeHarmonia]

this is amazing, one of my favourites

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Ree

j.

[charlie]

Perhaps a very Geminic kind of poem, Jacob...

Well done.

I did find the alliteration of line four cumbersome. That aside; the personal insight shines admirably in this piece, and it reads beautifully.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i will revisit that line, charlie, and thank you for your review...and kind words...
j.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

as for fourth line...i did want that cumbersome feeling, much like how the memories are cumbersome, as we store them up and never throw them away...

but i am glad when reviews are honest and they make us double check our work and improve as poets.

[Jamestown]

Another fantastic piece of work my friend!
Wording is very vivid to the attic of the past,
Thanks for sharing and b-blessed!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Jamestown...

j.

[Alfred Kukitz]

Great lines: untouched love breeding echoes, ghost like demolitions of cardboard feelings. I felt an eerie ness throughout the work. I'm wowed!

Regards,
Al

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Al.

j.

[Jane Taylor Hardy]

Eloquently expressed....a write that we can all relate to...nice work!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, Jane.

j.

[andrew mitchell]

Oh yes! to open up past emotions that run deep that still may not have healed, so safe it is to lock them away but still you are drawn to the subjects

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, andrew.

j.

[....................]

we box and store those emotions because we don't want to deal with them and the thought of having to one day clean out the attic is a daunting and frightening one because we don't quite know how we will react to them... sure, it's better to confront them as they arise, but it's easier said than done...this is chock-full of great lines, Jacob...love it

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, FT.
j.