Decomposing a poem

Decomposing a poem

 

 

 

the finality of your curt goodbye

rattled the posture of my bones

i slipped out of my skin into 

calcium contrition

trying to detox my disbelief

 

but there is no mausoleum in which to store the memories

to make them less addicting

i am a grave digger with a shovel of remorse

wishing i had understood

how i buried your love so deeply into my heart

 

because i now stand confused

at the headstone of our connection

holding flowers that wilt

with inconsolable longing

as i anticipate my next fix

 

of tears.

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

8/3/15

Reviews

[lightsong]

You know when and without a reason something hits You? I only read the two words "the finality" and something inside me was hit and gripped, twisted to tears... as I read the flowing of your lines until that last two words, I felt that I was in the mindset when You wrote this, that why I was hit from first two words. You always write haunting captivating, moving sad poems, but this for whatever reason at this moment have a very strong impact. The numbness, the cruelty of life... I wish no one to suffer in this world, but I know it's impossible. The title? again You are the Brilliant Master Of Titles.

You have my tears flow for this one. Love to You Mr. J💗

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your very kind words, lightsong,
j.

[Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn..]

Jacob,

There is no pain to compare with that of a love lost ... Beautifully done ...!

Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn de Graham

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Marvin,
j.

[Apollos]

I like that word picture of “grave digger with a shovel of remorse”

“Headstone of our connection”
Now that hit deep.

“Inconsolable longing as I anticipate my next fix”
I’d actually would have preferred if the poem ended here so that the reader could “fill in the blank” on what would have been your “next fix” instead “of tears”.

Nevertheless, I really enjoyed this one and felt it had some emotional heavy hitters!!!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i shall take your suggestion into consideration....and appreciate your time and review, Apollos.
read morei shall take your suggestion into consideration....and appreciate your time and review, Apollos.
thank you,
j.

[Kathy Van Kurin]

Jacob erin-cilberto,
"Decomposing a peom"
So many endings we must face in this life and it is a process of greiving which we must process through. We do it by writing and by pondering and by thinking.
Your poem is an epitaph to the lost feeling which comes from hope deferred. I commend you because you keep on getting up and sharing your feelings and thoughts and learning and helping others by writing.
Bless you so much!
Kathy

[andrew mitchell]

the end of a relationship is so final, it is a death in itself whether it be now or into the future in this well written piece

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind and insightful words, andrew...

j.

[Lyn Anderson]

I really like the opening. Very strong. I find the choice of detox as opposed to detoxify very significant, as it ties into the addiction theme at the end.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, KL...
j.

[EileenMarie]

The second stanza is so perfectly written. How many of us can relate to this!! Great write! I enjoyed this very much :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, EileenMarie.
j.

[rubie]

i do not think i have ever read a more exquisitely penned poem about the death of a relationship.

exceptionally beautiful piece.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, rubie.

j.

[dan]

jacob, This is remarkable, outstanding. The second stanza speaks of a mausoleum storage place for memories and grave digger with a shovel full of remorse; you are still the master of the extended metaphorical composition. When I sometimes wonder why I write I think that I'm hoping that one day my writing will approach how well done yours are. Tremendous piece! take care...dan

[jacob erin-cilberto]

you are very kind in your review, dan.

thank you.

[marcus]

I love the analogy here, the death of a relationship.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your words, marcus.

j.