a lighter sentence

a lighter sentence

 

 

you spat your feelings

at me, like i was your spittoon 

but as some of them missed

the grass turned darkly beleaguered

 

my bare perceptions curled

towards another,

where blades of faith

leaned in a soft heart's direction

 

-----------------

 

while you were ticketed

for your tirade----

a misdemeanor

of ill mannered love

 

i found comfort

in another's sun.

 

 

 

erin-cilberto

8/1/15

Reviews

[Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn..]

Jacob,

Wow! ... Sometimes that significant other can fail one too many times to insure that you do know (& feel, because us tough & macho guys really do possess feelings, but simply hide &/or deny them) that you are THEIR valued and appreciated significant other, as well ... The old adage proverb that does say, "The Pen Is Mightier Than The Sword," doth preemptively and obviously that WORDS DO POSSESS POWER, as more than ample destructive means to openly route and reduce to cinders of nothing but foolish babbling as that other age old adage proverb which seeks to sought to say, "Sticks And Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Will Never Hurt Me." ... As that grand master of wisdom, George Carlin would aptly say: "Bullshit!" ... Men do possess feelings and emotions, all the time of trying to deny that they do, because we live in a flucked up world that wishes to teach men that if they admit that they feel or emote, then that (somehow?) attests the presence of femininity ... Or worse ... Homo-Phobic-Gay-nimity ...

Us guys, men who are men and not girls, do hurt and we do feel ... The sad part is any woman (as one of the very few women in this world who fail in intuitively knowing this reality about men that men seek to always deny) who operates upon the given premise that they can talk s**t(e) to a man in a very personal manner, and stupidly deem to think as keen that he will continue to stick around ... Some do ... The smart men? ... Don't ...

Bravo, Jacob, Bravo!

Marve

[jacob erin-cilberto]

Just like R.E.M. sang..."Everybody Hurts"---
Thanks for your words, Marve,
j.

[Jimmy Yetts]

Beginning to realize my own limitations; you are far more clever and creative than I often notice.
Unfortunately, it is not likely that my reviews will ever catch up with your poetry.
In any event, I like what I see.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i appreciate your responses, Jimmy...always--
your reviews and your poetry have such keen insight...don't sell yourself short on that..EVER!

[Kathy Van Kurin]

Jacob erin-cilberto,
"a lighter sentence" was a lesson for me in allegory or imagery explaining emotion. Maybe more like a parable?
Anyway, "like I was your spittoon..grass beleaguered..bare perceptions curled..towards another.."
Here is where it turns hopeful "blades of faith."
You show one person's loss is another's gain, yours.
"misdemeanor of ill mannered love..I found comfort in another's sun." I just read something that is an excellent example of good old show don't tell. You have nailed it in balance.
good job Jacob!
blessings and thanks for your writing. It teaches and inspires me.
Kathy

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for this review, Kathy---you are very encouraging to this old poet.

j.

[Kathy Van Kurin]

Jacob,
Your writing's honest portrayals of life are encouraging. Old or no; is really part of who we are. I feel old sometimes too and then young from time to time. Your definition as a giving human being is mirrored in the hearts of those reading your lovely work.
It is special to me.
Bless you sir!
Kathy

[Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn..]

Man, talk about a poem that tells a heartbreaker she ain't, was not, the only fish in the sea ... Except, you have done so in a most beautifully articulate fashion to where your reader's mind is mesmerized within the almost virtual reality setting of that which you speak so cooly, yet, with such profound impacting emotion ... Excellent jab! ...

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind review, Marv.

j.

[Valentine]

Always turn toward warmth is some peoples motto. Valentine

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Kathie,

j.

[V]

Great wording, it makes me almost speechless how much I can relate to the content and mood of your poems, even your choice of words seems like copied from my mind sometimes. This one perfectly describes a state of myself, one of my various heartfelt catastrophes leaking every now and then from the chaos of my mind and soul.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for relating so well to my writing---"catastrophes leaking" ah yes.

j.

[V]

Anytime.

[Roxie M]

...and he laughed all the way to the bank! LOL! I liked this about "ill mannered love". That is a concept lost, now; well mannered love. Very well said and timely.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your kind words, Roxie,

j.

[B]

I always believed when a woman really loves a man
She just cant be cruel
even if she needs to

so that sun was a fake one

lol

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you for your insight, Nisreenaa...

j.

[....................]

there are some things, when spoken, which leave stains that cannot be removed...fortunately the universe is full of suns and sometimes we are luck enough to find their warmth...

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you FT.....that is so true.

[zephyr]

One who does not love herself has a tendency to demand it of others. Feel for this poor girl. What poetry is about.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

thank you, Shinsei...