CHURCH GIRL

Destinee Fontaine is the daughter of a preacher. She grew up singing in the choir, and that led to some greater opportunities; However, it all came at a cost...

What is a church girl? Who would you consider a church girl?  That is what I was called by all the people that went to my church.  The truth is they all went to church same as me, why did they label me this?  Every time I went to church, I saw them there, so why would they call me out.    The older church members would say, “There’s my little Church Girl”.  The younger adult church members would say, “Church Girl sure can sang”.  My little peers would say “You always showing out Church Girl”.  Out of all the girls who went to my church, I was the only one who was called Church Girl.  I didn’t like being called out, more so because I didn’t know what it meant, but never the less, I intended to make it stop….

 

At this point in my life, I was around seven or eight, and loved going to church.  I loved the singing; I loved the people; and I loved the preaching. My dad was the preacher, and boy could he preach.  I didn’t know much about the bible back then, but I knew I loved Jesus.  My dad made sure of that.  My mom always sat in the same seat on the front row; as if it had her name on it, which it didn’t.  But no one else ever attempted to sit in that seat.  I often wondered what would have happened if they had.  My mom probably would have just sat in a different seat on the front row.  That’s just the type of person she was; very accommodating and non-confrontational, some times to a fault….

 

The first time I was called church girl was by my mom.  I remember chasing one of my cousins around the church before service, and my mom said in a very stern voice, “Church Girl, if you don’t sit your little self down somewhere, I’m gonna hurt you”.  Did I say my mom was non confrontational; I meant towards every one but me.  When she would argue with dad, she was always the first to back down, or the first to apologize.  If she had a disagreement with someone in the community, she would always bake a cake, have me take it over, and apologize first.  I couldn’t understand why.  As I got older, I paid more attention to her and I realized why she always took the higher road.  She felt it was the duty of the preacher’s wife to initiate peace.  She had many talks with me throughout my teens about not holding grudges, and turning the other cheek.  However, I could hold a grudge longer than Rip Van Winkle could sleep; and turning my cheek was Blasphemy in my book.  I guess I took after my dad…

 

When mom called me church girl, I didn’t mind so much, I mean, we were in a church, and I am a girl, so I thought it was okay.  I started to dislike being called church girl, when the rest of the congregation picked up on it, and now instead of “Hi little Destiny”, it’s “There’s the Church Girl”, as if I were a side-show or something.  Again, we were in church, and I am a girl, so I let it slide.  The beginning of my hatred for the label “Church Girl”, was when I looked around at all of the other girls in the church, and none of them were labeled church girl.  The other “church girls”, even started calling me “Church Girl”.  I was so angry, I wanted to cry.  I went to my mom to see if she could make them stop, since she was the one who got them started.  My mom talked to one of the little kids; she was in the middle of talking with a couple of the adults, and then we hear over the loud speaker, “Church Girl, you’re needed in the choir”.  At that point, I look over at my mom, and she looks over at me.  We both know that it’s too late now.  Mom is just not confrontational enough to talk to everyone in the church about my insecurities with the label “Church Girl”, and the label had spread like wild fire…

 

Church for me was my playground.  I felt more comfortable in church than I did in school.  Hell, I probably spent an equal amount of time at both places.  I felt I could be myself at church; in such a way that I didn’t feel compelled to at school.  The first thing my parents had me do at church was join the choir.  I was little when I first joined the choir, and they didn’t know how my voice would fit in, but they wanted me to be a part of something, and they thought the choir offered the smoothest transition. Choir rehearsals were every Wednesday night at 7:30.  Every Wednesday morning I would wake up with the biggest smile on my face because I couldn’t wait until choir rehearsals that night….

 

Maybe the reason I loved choir rehearsals was because I was such a good singer.  At least the pastor and congregation thought so, which was all that mattered to me.  I received my first solo about a month after joining the choir.  It was a little kiddie song, but everyone made me feel like I was Aretha Franklin.  I got a standing ovation from the congregation, and my daddy the preacher wanted me to do an encore.  It was the perfect start to my time in the choir. From then on, I lead that song each Sunday, and plenty more after that.  The songs I sung became more and more staples of the church.  After a few years I was actually the church singer.  I lead just about every song, and we were traveling all over to the other churches to let them hear me sing.  When we would travel to other churches, and to competitions, I would see advertisements for everyone to come hear the “Church Girl” sing…

 

As much as I was ingrained in the choir, I did a lot more around my daddy’s church.  I read the announcements.  I was a Jr. Usher.  I always played the lead role in the Christmas plays that the church put together.  I prayed for the Sick and Shut-In.  Yes, I prayed.  My daddy always told me “You aint never too young to pray.  You’ll be too old to pray before you too young to pray”.  To this day, I’ve never forgotten that, and I pray everyday for somebody. 

 

Now, the more competitions we went to, the more people heard about me and wanted to know who I was.  At this point, I was about 12 years old, and my voice had gotten much stronger, and my confidence shot through the roof.  The choir had become so well-known that we were invited to perform at this gospel competition in Hollywood, California.  It was one of the largest gospel competitions in the country, with multiple internationally known choirs performing in it each year.  Now, my dad was reluctant to allow us to go because he was not into the whole commercialization of the church, and the glitz and glamour of it all.  He would tell anyone who would listen, “I preach the word of GOD.  I don’t sing. I don’t dance.  This Aint Hollywood.”  After drilling in our heads year after year that “This Aint Hollywood”, how ironic was it that Hollywood was knocking on our door, ready to give us an opportunity to showcase our choir to the world.  This had to rub my dad the wrong way, although, he was too proud to admit it.  He simply came up with excuse after excuse for why we should not go on the trip.  First, he said that it was too expensive.  Well, we decided we would do a fundraiser to come up with the money.  Then, he said that we were already booked for something that weekend.  After taking a vote to cancel that performance so that we could go to California- a vote that was unanimous " my father finally told us the truth.  He told us what was weighing on his heart.  It turns out that my father thought that he would be perceived as a hypocrite by members of his congregation if he were to agree to allow us to go to Hollywood.  He felt that his “This Aint Hollywood” rant forced his hand.  That made more sense to us than any of the excuses that he had tried to give.  Just when we were feeling down and out, and sure that we would not be going to Hollywood, a senior member of the choir spoke up.  She was an old lady, maybe 65, or 70.  She spoke slowly, confidently, and with a purpose.  As she spoke, all eyes were focused on her.  No one said a word, or dare interrupt her.  She talked to my dad about being open and honest with the congregation.  Let them know that his views are the same; however, this trip would be beneficial 3 fold.  It would benefit the church, it would benefit the choir, and it would benefit anyone’s soul that may find Jesus because of our choir’s music ministry.  She felt that if given a vote, there was no way that the congregation would vote to not allow us to go to Hollywood.  Dad could restate his views, and put the final decision in the congregation’s hands, thus, not looking like a hypocrite, but looking like someone who cares about the in put of his congregation.  Dad thought this was an excellent idea, and just like the old lady said, the congregation voted to send us to Hollywood.

 

        L.A., city of angels, the city where dreams come true…  We got to California a day before the competition began, so that we could site see, and do some shopping.  I went with mom and some other ladies of the church.  We bought new clothes for the competition, as well as pampered ourselves with spa type treatments.  Through all of the fun, I couldn’t help but think about dad, and wish he were here with us.  I know how hard it must have been for him to let us go.  Not being with his baby girl during this time, I’m sure ate at him.  I wish he knew how much it ate at me too…

 

        As we were walking down the sidewalk taking in the sites, we were approached by a complete stranger.  A man in a very nice suit walked up to us and told me that I was “beautiful”, in a different way.  I didn’t immediately know what he meant by that, neither did mom, so we kept listening.  He handed mom a business card, which said that he was a modeling agent.  He told us that he was looking for new models for a fashion campaign.  He said that he had seen a lot of pretty faces during his search, but that I wasn’t pretty at all.  Well, now I was confused.  He told my mom that he had never seen someone so young, be so naturally beautiful, and that I had the ‘goods’ to be the face of his campaign.  Well, I had never been told that I had ‘the goods’ before, so that was interesting; Hollywood talk I assume.  Also, I had never thought about being a model before, it was all about singing, plus, mom doesn’t trust anyone, so we took his business card and invited him to the gospel showcase.  He told us that he would try to make it. We told him that we would think about it.  He told us to think quickly because the campaign would kick off soon.  We assured him that we would…

 

        Competition day.  The atmosphere was unlike anything that I had ever been a part of.  The competitions were held at the Hollywood Bowl, a venue that holds about 10,000 people, and there was not an empty seat in the place.  There were 20 choirs there from all over the country competing to be the best.  Now, we were all children of GOD, there to uplift his name, but we all still wanted to win, no one more than me…

 

        The competition was fierce.  There was a 50 person choir, and there was a 1 person choir.  We had 22 people in our choir, which I thought was the perfect mix of voices.  I wasn’t aware that you could be a choir with 1 person, but I guess you can; and 50 people just seemed like overdoing it.  Never-the-less, all of the choirs were outstanding.  The song choices were great, and it felt like revival week, minus the preaching.  Each choir, while competing to win, felt like they were genuinely pulling for the other choirs.  Our choir was the very last choir to go on stage, which I thought was a good thing in the beginning.  However, after hearing all of the other wonderful performances, I felt more nervous than ever…

 

        If I can pull it together and give the performance of a lifetime, I felt like we had a good chance to win; however, if my nerves get the best of me, “Church girl” is sure to be blamed for this loss for a long time, and that is something that I just can’t handle.  The song that we chose to sing is Mary Mary’s “The GOD In Me”.  It seemed perfect for this competition, and rehearsals have been awesome…

 

        The announcer did something that totally threw me off.  He announced us as “Church Girl, and her amazing voices”, as if I am the leader and everyone else are backup singers.  That was sort of true, but I didn’t know that we were billed as that.  I thought we would just be called “The Amazing Voices”.  I’m sure the other choir members didn’t know we were billed as that either, and it really made me feel some kind of way, and it showed in my performance.  I didn’t have nearly the energy that I should have.  I couldn’t get that “Church Girl” image out of my head.  Although we were ok, it wasn’t nearly good enough to beat those other top choirs.  If I had to guess, I would say we finished 15^th, and that’s being generous…

 

       

        When the judges were finished, they revealed only the top 3.  #3 was the 1 person choir.  #2 was the 50 person choir, and #1 was a local choir from California.   I couldn’t believe it.  I knew we wouldn’t win, but it was still tough to hear.  The sharks circling the waters were almost immediate. After they announced the champion, the first thing I hear is “I don’t know who told church girl this was her choir. I don’t belong to no damn church girl.  I’ve been a member of this choir longer than she has been alive”.  Here I am, 12 years old, and these older members of the choir are looking at me as if I stole something from them.  I began to cry…

 

        I am thinking that I cannot show my face at the church anytime soon.  I blew the competition for us.  At that point, mom walks up to me, gives me a huge hug, and tells me that I was awesome.  She believes I did much better than I or anyone in the choir gives me credit for.  She talked to dad, and he sends his love.  She tells me that she is going to find out what place we actually came in…

 

        The modeling agent shows up, with a contract for me to be the face of their new campaign.  The campaign starts at the beginning of the next week, and it calls for me to travel all over the world, doing modeling shows, promoting this certain line of clothing, for a period of 2 years.  After what I just experienced with the choir, and how they turned on me, I am all in, to get away from that for a while.  My mom says that she will go with me if my dad gives his blessings.  My dad said that if I agree to go to church every Sunday, no matter where I am, and if the modeling agent would put that language into the contract, that he would sign on and allow me to go.  For me it was a no brainer, and after the modeling agent agreed, we had a deal.  First stop, Paris, France.  My mom was still working on finding out what place we finished in the competition.  We received the final results by mail while we were in Toronto, Canada.  “Church Girl and her amazing voices…4^th”…

Author's Note

Did you enjoy reading it, and did it hold your attention all the way through?

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

I liked the story a lot. I liked the Church girl. She stood her ground and held belief close. I believe the story had balance and lesson. Strong family create strong children. Thank you for sharing the outstanding story. Need to be read by more people.
Coyote