Dance with a Dragon

Close your eyes, and remember that truly anything can be done. Open your mind, and let loose your spirit. Then, and only then, join a young girl and her extraordinary experience of magic and wonder.

To see him here before me brought me to tears. Humbled by his outstanding grace, I ran a shaky hand through my hair as I took a feeble step closer. His head lifted a little higher, and I could see every muscle in his sleek neck tense and shift as the pupils in his amber eyes hardened. Though appearing neither frightened, nor defensive, it was apparent to me that I was not a creature credible to his trust. Only when I halted all movement- excluding the submissive bow of my head- did he fold his great wings at his side. I couldn't help but shiver, and my eyes followed along his majestic body; silver scales decorated his skin, and glinted in the springtime sun. His shoulders were narrow, but lacked no muscle, and his haunches were supported by thick, curved legs that ended in clawed feet. Sharp, curved spines protruded from each vertebrate, shrinking in size as they neared the slim end of his whip-like tail.
          A moment ago, he had not been there. The field was void of all but the tall grass and myself- who had been caught in the wind in an irresistible dance. Distracted by the rustling of the grass and the lift of the breeze, I had not noticed when, or how, the magnificent being came to be in the meadow with me.
          A dragon.
          The silence between us was extensive, and the wind was the only thing that moved, tugging at my hair and lifting the ends of his tucked wings. After what seemed to be an eternity, he spoke, his voice sounding nothing like a monstrous creature, but something higher and more intelligent than human.
          "What is your name, Little Dancer?"
          "Darlene," I said clear, but quiet.
        Only his body responded to my brief answer; his neck relaxing and arching over itself like a nesting swan, and he lowered himself into the grass, legs out in the same way a resting lion would lay. His gaze never left me, keeping my spine cool and immobilized, though strangely unafraid. Not until I made the motion to sit did he speak again, sounding gentle, and somewhat reluctant, "No. Please, dance again."
         Immediately, my face turned a shade of pink that was more intense than my usual complexion; no one had ever asked me to dance. Awkwardly, I tried to remember how I was dancing before, hoping to mimic it, but felt pressured by the dragon. I wanted to satisfy him. So, I moved, a sway at first, and then a whirl, abruptly stopping when I heard him chuckle. The pink of my face darkened, and his tail stretched forward, curling and pushing against my chest as he spoke, "Relax, Darlene. Do not be unnerved by my presence. Close your eyes, and listen."
          Chilled by his touch, I relaxed enough to take a deep breath, then closed my eyes as he requested. Wind washed out every sound nearly immediately, then stabilized as the rustling of the grass faded in. In the distant edges of the meadow, the trees also slipped into the sounds, adding a watery flow to the beat of the wind. Before long I felt a smile consume my features, and I nearly for got the dragon's presence. Tuning in to the music of the meadow, I fell into the same irresistible dance I was experiencing before his arrival.
          When I opened my eyes once again, my heart fell into my stomach as my breath stuck in my throat; at least fifty feet below me was the ground. Somehow, I was suspended in the air, perfectly able to dance without realizing the change in the altitude. Below, I saw the dragon rise in the grass, the extend his massive wings and then lift himself off the ground in a single beat. With each second he ascended, I felt more safe than the one before, and soon he was level with my eyes.
          His eyes were a soft shade, like caramel, and his silver scales seemed to be tinted with blue. Beating his wings at a slow rhythm, he held himself steady, and I found myself momentarily lost in his beauty. His voice interrupted my mesmerized state, and when my eyes met his again, he appeared to be smiling.
         "Darlene, will you dance with me?"

Author's Note

All critiques are welcome and thoroughly appreciated! In this piece, I was focusing less on the depth of the story and more on the sentence structure and passive/active voice. Please let me know how I did :)

Reviews

[Nusquam Esse]

Definitely pay attention to Cooper here, she has given me some solid advice, and definitely knows what she is talking about. I really like the imagery here, the whole dancing with dragons; it is quite charming. I particularly advise checking your choice of adjectives, it stood out to me before I read Cooper's comment. They are not bad, and many of them are superb; but I think going over each and every sentence and re-examining word choice and structure could help this story by measures! I think the intro could use the most work, so focus on it; if nothing else, that is how you sink the reader into your work! Anyway, as you may gather from my profile pic, I have a fondness for dragons (although I avoid writing on them for this very reason), and the sweet imagery of this was breathtaking. I especially loved the last line of "Will you dance with me?"

[Delmar Cooper]

A charming story. None of the sentences stopped my eye or cause me to wrinkle a brow as if to say,"Now what does she mean by that?" The past tense demands more use of "was" than present and sometimes "was and had" signal the dreaded and verboten passive voice. You should not worry about it. Write to participate in the action and your voice will remain active. Only when you hold back and let the action wash over you will you become "passive."

There is an eccentricity I have; when I read a piece the second time I mentally omit the modifiers, out with the adjectives, damn the adverbs, full speed ahead. In this mental version I see the story naked, stripped down to the bare nouns and verbs. A look at the skeleton. Have you ever tried this, or am I the only madman on the premises?
Thanks for sharing.
Cooper