I feel her presence near I feel a comfort here here in this old house I sense my dead spouse I sense her spirit here she's been gone for years I finally went back home where so much joy was known but that joy turned to tears and nothing on Earth cheered she and I were alone now her presence is known so here in this old house I will remain next to her ghostly presence I feel no pain.
A technically sound poem that strains only a little bit to complete rhymes. A good message as well, one that flows directly from top to bottom (as it should). Without punctuation I treated the last two lines as 'run on lines,' making the reading a bit hard, but after moving back and going at it again, I finally got the reading right. Something to think about... how others will read these last two lines. This concept isn't easy to explain without reading the lines for you... try reading with a pause after 'remain' and then read again with no pause after 'remain' (the lack of punctuation makes this a possibility), but a consequent, forced pause between 'presence' and 'I.' Subtle difference I think, but it's subtlety that makes poetry the art it is.
I think many of us never get to feel these feelings for our lost loved ones because we tend to move around so much. This is what I imagine love can be like at it's best, to love someone so much that you want to stay near them even after they are gone from this world. Reading this poem makes me think of people whose ancesors have lived in one area for many generations, imagine how much they can feel the presence of their family. I like your poem.
What an amazing and tender poem that brings back so many personal memories to me. I like to read a short poem that can touch a heart in such a special way. It will go into my library and I will read others. KEEP WRITING, you have a special gift.
This is a wonderful poem and I could go on and on, telling you of the "real life" love stories that I know, just from my family, alone. You have displayed a wisdom that far exceeds the years your profile picture shows that you have experienced. Excellent, simply excellent; you have portrayed perfect love and its undyingness. Everyone thinks that you should move on, when a loved one dies, but some choose to remind with them in memories. I can not tell you how much I love this poem, other than to put it in "Ye Ol' Library." I want my mother to read this, too. It's incredible!!
I've been writing since 1984.
I write poems, stories, lyrics & string haikus in a variety of genres: Horror, Nature, Inspirational, Comedy, Sexual, etc... Variety is what you will find here.
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