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A Story by Anushka

Two simple words; trust me. Used so often and so easily, yet it holds so much meaning, more than we can ever imagine. It was these two words that I thought of as I looked at his face for the very last time and it was these two words that I remembered him saying before he left me for good. He wasn’t coming back, I knew that now and as I thought of all the things I could’ve said to him but didn’t, it was these two words that kept coming back to me, haunting me each time.

I remember the first time we met. We were five years old and after recently being badgered by a particularly nasty girl in my grade, I had decided to take refuge underneath a desk. He walked into class and on seeing me with tears rolling down my cheeks, gave me a slightly lopsided smile before heading my way. As he walked towards me, I didn’t know what to expect and so I did what any girl my age would do, I told him to go away, roughly wiping the tears away from my face. But instead of doing as I said, he bent down and sat next to me; taking my hand in his as he did so.

It was this very gesture that I learned to associate him with many years later. I couldn’t believe he was actually gone. To think that I would never see him again made me sob with a sense of purpose that was missing until then. He was my rock, the one person who walked in when everybody else walked out. My world began and ended with him. I felt as though a huge piece of my heart had been ripped out and shredded into pieces, pieces so small that no amount of time or care could ever put them back together again.

The ride back home seemed to stretch on for ages, like a dark never ending tunnel with not a glimpse of light in sight. My mother kept glancing back at me in the rear view mirror, afraid that if she didn’t keep an eye on me, I might float away, dissolving into nothingness. She wasn’t wrong in feeling this way for I myself didn’t know how I was still hanging on. I longed for the warmth of his hand in mine, the comfort of knowing that somebody was there and that that somebody understood. In a world that is so cold, filled with anger and hatred, everybody needs that special someone. I was one of the lucky few that had that someone, until now, when he was so cruelly snatched away from me, leaving me to fend for myself in this harsh world.

I stepped out of the car, the wind gently caressing my face as I walked towards the front porch. Every one of those 17 steps from the pavement to my front door reminded me of him, each memory more precious and closer to my heart than the last. I entered my room, not bothering to turn the lights on, and collapsed on to my bed. The last few rays of sunlight filtered in through the window, the first few stars slowly appearing. My gaze landed on a picture, pinned to the middle of my board, of the two of us by the lake. I remember that day so clearly, almost as if it were just yesterday…

“Allie hurry up now!” yelled Nate, honking at the front door.
“I’m coming, I’m coming!” I yelled back as I raced down the steps and out the front door, my bag bouncing along my side. “I’ll be back late tonight mum, don’t wait up for me!” I shouted out as I jumped into his car, inhaling the familiar smell of cigarette smoke and his cologne, comforting as always.
“I’m sorry. That took a bit longer than I thought,” I said apologetically.
“Don’t worry about it, let’s just get going,” he grinned at me.

We drove down to the lake, the roof of the car open and the both of us singing at the top of our voices. We were supposed to be meeting Jake, my boyfriend, but he never showed up. All I got was a text saying that he wasn’t going to make it. Even better Nate had laughed as he jumped into the freezing cold water, pulling me in with him. His eyes sparkled and he had a boyish grin splayed across his face. The clear water glistened behind him, reflecting our faces in its lucid abysm. Tiny droplets of water slid down his golden brown strands of hair, catching the light as it did so.

That had been the perfect evening. We had lain down on the deck watching the stars, talking about our future and promising each other that nothing would ever change between us. I hadn’t been so sure but in that moment looking into his deep blue eyes with the stars above us, I would have believed anything, done anything, as he whispered the two words that will stay in my mind forever �" trust me.

It was dark now and the stars shone high up in the sky, probably the same stars as that night but never in the same place. Constantly moving, constantly changing. Would this emptiness inside of me ever be filled? Or will it remain a gaping hole, forever reminding me of how much I have lost. I love him, I know that now but it’s too late and there’s nothing that I can do about it. A sob escaped from my lips and before I knew it I was crying again. Grief overwhelmed me as I tried to choke back my tears but it was of no use. It was too late, too late to tell him that I loved him and too late to try and save him. If only I had known, I would’ve treasured each day we had together like it was our last. But instead, I spent them fighting over tiny little issues that all seem so trivial now

The last few days were the hardest. Watching him deteriorating, wilting like a flower that was once beautiful and full of life. The cancer was slowing eating him up, taking away every last shred of life that he had left until finally not even a single heartbeat was left to keep him alive. In the last few hours he had asked me to trust him, trust him when he claimed that everything would be all right and that I would be fine without him but he was wrong. I’m nothing without him. He was my other half, the reason for every breath I took and with him gone, any sense of purpose that I once felt vanished into nothingness, leaving me wilting, just like him.

I looked out of the window one last time before I closed my eyes and let myself be engulfed in the grief, the grief that I knew would remain in my life forever. Death, a misty fog, surrounded me, preventing me from seeing ahead. Maybe one day it would give way to light, but for now, all I could see was what was right ahead of me; Darkness.

© 2013 Anushka

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Reviews

Adrian X Fuentess

The best writing I have read in a while. You have talent. Weather it was true, based on a true event, or not, it's full of the feeling you wanted to transmit. I can see the evening at the lake. I could felt the cold water splashing on your face. I can see the flower weltering away. Not many amateur writers can do that. I loved it. Thanks for sharing.