The English Scorpion

The story of an overconfident scorpion and his search for a mate...

The English Scorpion,    

Traveling far beyond his homeland,

Exudes a

Vaporous fear

To the strangers around him.

With his spindly legs traversing

The landscape, in the summer eve,

He seems a perfect blend

Of threat and attraction, moving

With a vigorous swagger...

He scuttles across the crowd

Of unsuspecting sunbathers,

Confidence never wavering,

Seeking the ravishing lady

He has envisioned.

Bypassing multitudes of women,

He discovers a secluded corner,

Where the youthful empress,

A golden lady, 

Sits unaccompanied

Beneath the tropical leaves.

Now, embracing certainty,

He moves in rapid strides.

His motions, like a dance,

Exude sexual weaponry,

In theory, indestructible,

Irresistible, his tail

Poised in the 

Purple sun...

Yet as he draws closer, he

Senses something -

Danger...in his midst.

The tiny woman brings herself

Completely into

The fading teal light, her 

Miniature body becoming

A picture of allure and attack...

The English Scorpion, only

Two inches away,

Attempts his mating dance,

But is stopped, mid-motion

By a painful stab

Of neurotoxic venom...

Then watching her prey

Dying slowly,

She whispers in his ear,

"No one seduces a deathstalker."

Reviews

[Baby Ricochet]

I like this one. When I was in Iraq we used to fight scorpions with spider's, wasps, honey bees, the odd snake or two, about anything we could catch really. We used to throw them at each other, hide them in each others ruck sacks, wake each other up with them. Those nasty little fuckers were everywhere. Ah the things bored, heavily armed young men trained to kill people do to entertain themselves.

[Eric Pudalov]

Oh, that's kind of hilarious Ricochet! I've seen the videos of some of the guys doing that in Iraq and Afghanistan...did they actually *want* to fight each other? When I was a kid, I used to kill insects for fun; glad I didn't grow up to be a serial killer!

And I didn't know you were a veteran - I'd love to hear some of your stories sometime (if that's something you feel comfortable with).

[Frieda P]

Holy smokes, love the toxic ending, it's killer! Not fond of the critters myself, definitely enjoyed this one...

[Eric Pudalov]

Thank you Frieda!! I'm both fascinated with and afraid of them (kind of like with clowns). ;-)

[Frieda P]

Ha....exactly! I think I like deadly scorpions better. My pleasure. ;-)

[Madalyn Beck]

The ending is what did me in! Good job! :)

[Eric Pudalov]

Thank you Madalyn! I was determined to do a twist ending.

[Lyn Anderson]

Okay, I wasn't sure about this one until it recovered at the end. It was a little sterile and documentary like, and then BANG, you pulled it out and smacked us over the head. Awesome.

[Eric Pudalov]

Thanks KL!! Yeah, I may have rushed this one a little bit - any way I could tighten it up some? (I wrote it while I was sitting at the park the other day...probably was too eager to publish it.)

[Lyn Anderson]

I would say, take a look and see if you can make the first half slightly less clinical and National Geographic sounding. I don't want to put words in your mouth, but really, it's only the first two stanzas that are a little stiff, in my opinion.

[Eric Pudalov]

Oh, OK! That helps a lot - now that I read it again, yes they are a bit "National Geographic" sounding. In fact, I could hear the voiceover guy saying them. :-) I'll brainstorm a bit and see what I can come up with.

[Lyn Anderson]

Glad to be of service for more than just rogue apostrophes.

[Eric Pudalov]

The "Rogue Apostrophes" would be a great name for an indie band.

[Zahra]

A strong write, very nice

[Eric Pudalov]

Thanks Voice! I appreciate you reading it. I'll stop by your page soon and read some of yours too.

[BlackRose]

Love how you pulled this together. NICE!! But to not that male scorpion that is in this piece killed by the lady. You never what happens when you trespass on another's territory, hehe.

[Eric Pudalov]

Yeah, exactly. I have heard of that actually happening in nature. I partly intended this piece to be symbolic, too...I've dated some women whom I felt "stung" me figuratively, and tried to kill me. So that, as well as a conversation with my friend Elisa Laura, inspired this piece.

[BlackRose]

I see and it worked fabulously here! :o) I to have been stun in my time, but not to be killed, ha. It's a surprise where the inspiration comes from. I have gotten alot of mine from various places, songs, people and such.

[BlackRose]

As well as where I'm sure you get your inspiration you get from too.

[Eric Pudalov]

Yeah, definitely! It's not *always* from personal experience, although it frequently is. If not that, then I have a pretty vivid imagination, or I do my research.

[BlackRose]

Same here with mine being just as vivid too, haha. You will see as you read more of mine they are not the as the next always. Maybe similar. I think outside the box alot. I don't like sounding too cliche or try not to, so I can capture the readers attention time and again. As I know you and others try to do, cliche looking or not.

[Eric Pudalov]

Yes, I know exactly what you mean - that's part of the challenge, isn't it? Always remaining fresh, and keeping the reader's attention.

[BlackRose]

Yes, exactly, it sure is. Makes for greater reading I say. Have you read that piece of mine yet? Just asking. Thanks. :o)

[What Was]

I very much enjoyed reading this piece. Certainly a perspective less acknowledged and it worked to every benefit of your poem. Captivating and insightful, it is clear that you crafted you work finely. Stunning read!

- Isaac

[Eric Pudalov]

Thanks Isaac!! May I ask what you mean by "a perspective less acknowledged"? Do you mean the perspective of the scorpion? I thought of that because (if you believe in the whole Zodiac thing), my Sun and Moon signs are both scorpio - and also, I was recently having a conversation with another writer here in which she said the phrase "English scorpion." Hope to read your work soon, too!

[What Was]

You're very welcome! Indeed, I do mean the scorpion. However, one the side of the Zodiac, it is also a very interesting take. I, myself, fall into the category of the Aquarius. It's always a fascinating topic. Again, good work on your poem.