random chapter..

it is a chapter, not a story but i'm still working on the others because they weren't very good but i wrote this chapter first and it's the one that made me think the most.

I looked at myself in the mirror. The messy hair, the washed out eyes and the mascara running down my cheek so red. I knew what I had done. I had ruined myself and now no one wanted to know me. I wasn't good enough for anyone. My friends tried so hard and my family wanted me to feel loved but it meant nothing to this loneliness inside. This voice in my head telling me over and over again that I wasn't worth it, I wasn't perfect. I stood up and left, I couldn't stand myself, my body or my life.I wrote a note, and this is how it went:

 

Dear someone,

               I'm sorry for what I did, sorry for how I lived and sorry for constantly being in the way. I want you to know that no matter what, I will always love you but I cannot live in a world full of so much mess. If you cared about me that much, you would've known how I felt and realised that my life was getting harder and harder to live every minute. I try my best and fail but maybe when i'm gone, i can go with God and be the person i always wanted to be, the angel i always wanted to be. You might be wondering why I'm doing this. Everyday is a challenge, I cannot be happy and no matter how much weight I lose, or how much make-up i put on, I will never like myself. You probably didn't notice, and that's how I wanted it to be. Before I say goodbye, I want you to know, that this is not your fault. Don't miss me: I'm not worth missing. Don't wish things were different: life goes on and I want yours to. Forget me.

                  Jen

 

I put the note in an envelope and put it on my pillow, on my ready made bed. I opened my drawers and got out the pills I had kept for three months. I popped open the top, aware of my shaky hands and the single tear running from my weary eyes. I'd wanted this for months, and now that I'd finally got this far, I was too scared to face it. Tough, I thought, Too late. I took one pill, swallowed. Second pill, swallowed. Third pill swallowed. I carried on and without another thought, I lay on my bed and waited for my life to end.

Reviews

[Samuel Dickens]

This is some outstanding, powerful writing, Beth. You pulled me right in and made me care. Very solid, skillful writing, it is.

[Lyndsay Castro]

Wow. This is very intese. I love how the words you use are simple, but the imagery is vivid and believable. You're not prancing or using unnecessary frills to try to make your point. This is good work. You're honest and you make us care. You should definitely keep up the good work.
Lyndsay