Terminal 81

I never promised you a rosebush

Not a thing is held to your sweet name

Although my temple lies in an ambush

I realize you do not feel the same

Rise and tell your part of the game

To all around whom this can hear

On my life, I will not fall to this shame

Which you would land on one so dear

Having figured out my lesson quite clear

In searching pages I have read

And seen the proof of how you steer

Your life so far, forking my homestead

So now be gone and on all your promises fie

As I break and vow no more to give into your lie

Reviews

[Sara Henry Heistand]

I love the title; very distinct and in itself, it has a visual vitality. On the other hand, I feel that the language is a little dated in comparison (to the title, that is). It works with the rhyme, yes, but not with the feel, I guess is what I'm getting at. The poem starts out great with

I never promised you a rosebush
Not a thing is held to your sweet name
Although my temple lies in an ambush

but it seems like it falls apart a bit afterword, I'm not sure how. You have a great set-up, but it begins to feel like the following verses are repetitions of themselves. You have some strong images in the beginning--you should build on those images to invoke depth to this piece. Just a thought!

However, I do love the "shortness." It's like one exhalation.