Look What You've Done

Look what you've done

to such a young, chaste girl

Her life hd not yet begun

yet already she's more than lonely

 

Too soon, she's blended into you

and your world of endless love

But it has faded without warning,

gone dull with the passing of months

 

Hours she waited for you to come

passed the time by jealous perusing

Searching through only some

of the many corridors of your past

 

Jealously tearing through all she knows

attempting to find a shard of a fact

Of reassurance that as the wind blows

through her hair, that you will return

 

You frighten her to tears when she's left

all alone without a single goodbye

Wishing silently that she was not bereft

and stripped of her only dear comfort

 

Leave today, but come back tomorrow

knowing that someone dear is waiting

Having to pass the days sans everything

even without the company...

of herself

Reviews

[Sara Henry Heistand]

At the beginning, I admit, that I was a little nervous about the rhyme scheme and content, but you've veered away from any hokey greeting-card verse and though, this poem was distressing, you've chosen a profound way of describing a love gone awry. However, I would personally place "of herself" into its own individual line, because it seems to detonate the rhythm in that final important line. It would be more dramatic to separate the elipses and her trailing reminder of loss of self. Besides that, I thought that the italics on "less" and "sans" were so...you. ;) Such a signature, you have! You really know how to draw your heightened knowledge of language into a piece. Good work again, m'dear!