Mad Scientists

loosely based on a true story

 

MAD SCIENTISTS

A Ryan Luse story

 

As Gavin strolled into the bar he realized he always had a hard on in the most peculiar situations. It happened when he was edgy and anxious. Like when he had to sing a solo in high school, ask a girl out on the phone and now meeting his old high school buddies from a break from college. He planned to get there early to get the nervous edge off with a few drinks. He took a seat in the middle so he could see faces come in. He didn't recognize a soul in the joint but the Guns N Roses song playing on the old jukebox gave him that sweet remembrance of the good old days.

"Give me a double rum and coke please" Gavin said irritated that the perky, young thing asked to see his ID. Gavin knocked his drink back. God this was either going to be weird as hell or as they used to say… Epic. He hadn't thought about that word in a while. He wondered if this was going to be like old times or if old times were just an afterthought. Maybe it all changed after high school or maybe it was starting to end after the night of Operation Mad Scientist. That was one of the last times when he felt truly alive and young. When they had nothing better to do than sneak out into the night and cause a brilliant raucous. They burned bright that night. It was six years ago but still so fresh in his mind.
"All right guys Operation Mad Scientist begins in 15 minutes." Gavin said over the blasting music of Paradise City. The main gang was huddled around wearing black with smiles of anticipation. Gavin passed around some Sky Vodka that he stole from his parents upstairs. It was the start of summer before their junior year. They knew they still had a good deal of time to just be boys. Gavin stood by his best friends Tony, Phil and Nick. When word got out about the night, more decided to show up. Gavin only let a select few in his basement room like the Karner brothers, Hawkins, and Goose. A few minutes later, two cute sophomore girls Susie and Katie managed to slip in through his sliding glass door as well. Tony rolled a fat joint that he scored off some seniors to commemorate the events to come.
The whole craze started back at the dawn of high school when they discovered a blocked off dirt road at the edge of Gavin's neighborhood. Overlooking the dirt road was a golf course and hidden back in the trees was this mysterious, dome like house with what appeared to be a secret radar. Their freshman year, Tony made a mad dash and touched this radar. He got a good view of the front yard and said there was a bunch of chickens in a cage surrounded by bricks but he was then chased away by a beastly dog on a chain. One day in broad daylight Gavin, Tony and Phil where crouched down by the radar, and was about to creep closer when suddenly a pickup truck shot out of the garage. There was the man of mystery. He had blazing red hair and was smoking a pipe. Thus, the name Mad Scientist was born and stayed nestled in their imaginations even at the ripe age of 16. They all kind of new it was a joke, a self-parody of their quirky sense of humor but yet they bonded over the ludicrous idea. The Mad Scientist was real in those fine days. When life was a cool, carefree breeze.
Gavin realized he was feeling a nice little buzz when the door was suddenly whooshed open. It was Tony. Even if the b*****d had grown a beard and became a monk; Gavin would always knew when Tony Mrozinski entered a room. It was as if the air rattled with spontaneous notes of energy. Tony didn't even have to look around, it was like he knew where Gavin was sitting.
"Oh s**t! Look what we got here!" Tony said loud enough to startle half the place. Gavin responded with a wide grin. "Gavy gavy gavy. You impeccable pimp. I've missed ya brother!" Tony said slapping him hard on the back and giving him a tough guy hug. He was wearing a Corona T-shirt with holes in it and the same old ratty leather jacket. He looked built, bronze and still had that unpredictable glow to him. Tony snapped his fingers at the waitress like he owned the place.
"Hi they're darling, get me two big Miller's and two shots of whisky pronto." She didn't ask for his ID. "Well theirs still some fine perky t*****s in this s**t-hole town," Tony said grabbing one of Gavin's cigarettes. "So how the heck-fire our ya Gavs? Your still doing that acting s**t."
"Writing s**t," Gavin corrected him. "Yeah the East Coast is tight man. I got a year to go before I graduate. Then who knows? Go to LA or be a drifter in Europe for a while or something." What have you been doing T? I tried e-mailing you a couple times."
"Ah you know I don't get into that e-mailing s**t. I don't know man. Been doing the same old thang. Getting wasted, getting laid. I'm not on house arrest anymore but I gotta go back to court. The college s**t just ain't for me ya know Gavin. My brother Richie said he can get me a job selling pool tables though."
"That's cool man. Gavin replied as he peered at the mysterious face that was Tony Mrozinski.
"Ha! Check this out Gavy. I've been selling this bunk shag weed to these freshman f***s telling them its some nice Khine buds. Easy money baby." Gavin smiled and remembered when they used to do the same thing.
"Hey Tony ya know what I was just thinking about?"
"What man?"
"Operation Mad Scientist." Tony smiled. Gavin could see that old rebellious light flicker in his eye like a faraway star. "Ah the good old days." Tony said with hardened sincerity.
"Alright guys. Its time." Gavin said like a prophet. Everything was intact. The plan would go as follows: They would first go to the golf course and seize the 18th hole flag. Then they would split off into teams but communicate through walky talkies. Nick and Phil would begin to barricade his driveway with bricks. Tony and Gavin would tape a note on the radar. The four would then all meet up and free the chickens. They than would creep up to his house and peer into his windows. When they gave the signal through the walky talky. Goose, Hawkins and the Karner brothers would set off the fireworks. The cops would than surely come and reveal to the world of the Mad Scientist living in Suburbia. The girls would wait for them on the hill with beer and kisses.
The crew crept out through the back door into the uncivilized moonlight. Phil carried a tape recorder to document the adventure. They zigzagged towards their destination smoking Tony's cigarettes and slamming stolen beers. The girls followed behind giggling in the long shadows like sexy ghosts. The flag came out in one pull and like noble civil war soldiers they began to march the flag to the wooded battlefield, and broke off into synchronized pairs. Gavin gave Nick and Phil a salute as he and Tony made there way towards the radar. Climbing through thorns, barbwire and no trespassing signs was the price they paid for the salvation that awaited. The radar seemed to glow like a rebellious angel. They could hear Nick and Phil noisily but efficiently barricaded his driveway with a five-foot wall of bricks. A note was placed on the radar that read:
Dear Mad Scientist, we all know who you are and tonight your going down you crazy b*****d. Surrender to us and tell us everything.
–The Epic Bricklayers
P.S. Give us some laboratory-grown weed as well.
Gavin looked up and saw two people approaching the bar table. It was Phil and Nick. Gavin almost spit out his rum and coke when he saw Phil was wearing a blue poco-dot tie.
"Long time no see dudes." Phil said with a tense expression.
"Hey what's up Gavin, Tony." Nick smiled taking a seat next to Phil. Nick looked a lot older and had put on a few pounds. They all had.
"Jesus Phil just get back from a funeral bro?" Tony said with a disgusted laugh.
"I'm a working man now Tony," Phil said with a smirk. "I just got out of the office a half hour ago."
"So you doing that lawyer s**t huh man?" Gavin said while signaling the waitress.
"Yeah I'm working as an assistance in one of New York's top firms. Can you believe it? The real money gonna come when I finish law school."
"You ambitious son of a b***h. A career man at 22." Gavin said.
"21" Phil corrected him. Tony looked puzzled and drank another shot.
"I got this round." Said Nick. "Um- how about 4 vodka sours?" He said to the waitress. Tony laughed.
"I appreciate the gesture Nicko but that's a p***y drink my man. Like a Zima or some s**t ya know?" The waitress frowned and cleared her throat. Nick didn't respond.
"Vodka sours it is man. Whatever floats your boat." Tony said lighting another of Gavin's cigarettes. Gavin realized he had to actually try and think of something to say to the faces he knew most of his life.
"How's it going down there?" Gavin asked the crew on the bottom of the driveway.
"Its beautiful man. It's f*****g beautiful!" Phil and Nick replied with gusto. The four found each other through a series of signals and the ruffling through the trees. The two girls had found there way as well.
"We want in on this too" Susie whispered putting her cold hands inside Gavin's shirt.
"Alright but don't f**k anything up." Was all Gavin could say in an aroused, nervous state of mind. With Tony in the lead, the six of them crept up to his house, which was about a half a football field in length. They decided to save the chickens for the end.
"Sssh remember guys up by his house there's a big f*****g dog on a chain. Don't wake up him up." Muttered Phil grabbing onto Katie's hand. The dome like house was in full view. It looked like a picturesque painting unreal and untouched. Only a faint light from the house was on.
"The crazy b*****d is in their somewhere probably turning people into robots." Nick whispered with delightful fear. To avoid any sign of a killer dog they crept up to the side of the house, with the muddled soundtrack of wet grass, heartbeats and muffled whispers echoing through the still night. The girls stayed back and hid as the fearless four made their way towards the window when suddenly Gavin's walky talky blurted out loudly.
"Hey can we light the fireworks now?" It was Goose, Hawkins and the Karner brothers.
"What the f**k?" Gavin hissed with anger. "You want to wake him up when where right by his house!" The four boys cautiously peered into the window. A back porch with a kitchen light was on as their eyes slowly began to adjust to something else. Phil saw it first and began whining "G-gg-guns he has f*****g guns man!" A gun-rack laid right over the fireplace consisting of at least twenty rifles and shotguns.
"I say we abort." Nick said backing up slowly. Suddenly a bottle rocket came whizzing towards the house from the driveway followed by two more. Gavin couldn't believe their fucked up timing.
Alcohol induced conversation actually started to pick up around 11 and the masks started to fall. "So this cute little thing calls my cell at two in the morning all wasted and s**t. My dad was passed out again and we went to the kitchen for some drinks and right there with my old man snoring and all. I s**t you not…. She started going down on me," Tony blurted out with a staccato rhythm to his speech. "Ha! How the hell was I supposed to know she was 17 ya know what I'm saying!" The table laughed heartily for the first time that night.
"Tony you're a sick b*****d. What about you Phil what is it now two years you've been with Katie?" Gavin said nudging him playfully across the table.
"Yeah man. She's the one. Go ahead call me whipped or whatever, but I think we're going to tie the old knot soon." The rest shook their heads with laughter.
"Oh s**t Phil, you pathetic romantic." Gavin said offering Phil a cigarette.
"No thanks I quit years ago."
"What about you Nick the slick, how are the ladies treating you in college land?"
"Um, I met someone." Nick said starring at the same vodka sour that he had been stirring in a daze.
"Well lets hear it kid there's no secrets here." Gavin said reassuringly while the waitress delivered his 4th rum and coke.
"I don't know guys. I don't think you'd understand." It's complicated."
"What does she have two twats? Spill it Nickster," Tony said grinning, searching for another cigarette.
"Alright you really want to know?"
"Yeah." The table said in unison. "Of course Nick!"
"Her name is Patrick."
They stood frozen on the side of the house as Hawkins; Goose and the Karner brothers began the fireworks show. Suddenly the dog awoke from its slumber and began going nuts on the rattling chain. The lights flicked on all over the house. They all backed up and crouched down. Then they began to hear footsteps on the roof above them.
"Come get us Mad Scientist!" Goose shouted from the edge of the driveway. A shot was fired and Gavin held Susie's mouth to cover her screams. The shot was met with two roman candles that blazed a reddish pink hue in the night's sky, with one ricocheting off the radar. The fireworks where so bright they could see each other's faces that were all a mad mix of emotions. Gavin pointed to a shed in the front yard and grabbed Susie's hand to make a run for it. The rest followed in a giggling daze.
"Come on Tony." Gavin said loudly over the insanity.
"I got to free the chickens," Tony beamed as he began to run into a frantic sprint.
The table was silent till Tony broke out in a huge belly laugh. "Oh s**t that's a good one Nick. Ha! Her name is Patrick!" No one else laughed. Nick looked up from his drink.
"I knew I shouldn't have brought this up."
"Bring what up. You're not making any f*****g sense." Tony said with his mouth shifting from a smile to a quizzical frown.
"Tony I'm gay."
Gavin fumbled with his lighter and coughed. It was like the bar was suddenly constricting him.
"I've always figured it Nick, no biggie dude." Phil said grappling with his tie.
"Yeah Nick. Thanks for being legit about it." Gavin said hoping to God his nervous tick wouldn't kick in.
Tony stared at his cigarette that he hadn't ashed in over a minute. He was muttering something that slowly became audible.
"You slept over. I let you sleep in my room you queer f**k!"
"Jesus Tony chill man." Gavin said standing up in case Tony erupted into violence. "What's the big deal? Don't be such a prick. We all slept at each other houses then because we were friends." Gavin felt icy pain with those words. "I mean we still are friends." Nick forced a smile.
Tony made a gesture like he was going to get up or do something crazy. But than smiled as the old playful look slowly crept back into his dark brown eyes.
"Can I still call you c**k-sucker?" Tony asked looking at Nick directly in the eyes for the first time that night. Nick laughed.
"Yeah f**k-face you can still call me a c**k-sucker." The two shook hands and the table broke into sweet laughter.
"Come get me Mad Scientist!" Tony yelled as he suddenly began to howl madly. He fell down a couple of times thinking he was getting shot at. No one could tell if it was bullets or fireworks whizzing by anyway. The fireworks suddenly ceased, as the dog's growls became audible again. Cop cars now flooded the place like a laser light show. Two officers began to run towards the house with beaming flashlights. "Run chickens run! Don't let the Mad Scientist or the pigs getcha!" Tony said running and laughing down in the war zone. The man was now off the roof and outside. Gavin could see his fiery red mop.
"Come here!" The man screamed as he ran past the shed and chased after Tony. It was now time to abort the mission. The dog was freed from the chain and took off barking in slow, jerky growls. Everyone ran into different directions chaotically. Gavin didn't look back as he maneuvered through the thick woods dragging Susie along like a rag doll. He managed to get down to the dirt road nearing the edges of his neighborhood. Tony had so far managed to not be caught or killed because he was still howling like a mad man somewhere. He then heard Phil and Nick howl as well but had no idea where they were or who was caught.
"Oooooow! Yeah baby f*****g epic! Go f*****g Bricklayers go!" Gavin screamed into the night. He never felt so alive in his life.
Tony was the last to meet up with the gang at Gavin's sliding glass door. He had managed to escape the Mad Scientist and dog but then had an action packed chase by the cops through the gulf course. Goose, Hawkins, The Karner brothers and Katie where unfortunately not so lucky and were captured by the police. Tony was bleeding slightly, smoking a cigarette. He didn't say a word as he took out a frightened live chicken he had carried in his backpack. Everyone cheered his name and molded into a triumphant group hug. Phil even suggested to go back and do it all again.
The bar was going to close soon just as they were starting to loosen up. No one mentioned Nick's revelation, but apologized whenever they called something "gay."
"Dude I totally thought you where done for that night Tony." Nick said looking a bit smashed for the first time.
"I told ya guys those poor f*****g chickens. They had to be freed." Tony retorted joyfully taking one of Gavin's last smokes. "Man that was an epic night. I wonder if its all still there."
"What the Mad Scientist?" Gavin snorted. "If he really was a Mad Scientist and I mean "if" the cops probably took care of him. I doubt if the house is still there anyway." Everyone pondered this thought. Tony began furiously scribbling something down on a napkin and plopped it down on the table. It was a note for the Mad Scientist.
"Well I'm curious as hell. I'm gonna go see if its still there. Anyone wanna come with me feel free." There was a long pause as people searched Tony's face to see if the man was serious. Gavin nodded and slapped him on the back. "Epic idea Tony. I'm with ya brother."
"I'm in to." Nick said with a giggle.
"What?" Phil scoffed. "Don't ya think were a bit too old for trespassing some poor guy we thought was a Mad Scientist years ago? Come on guys. You really want to go back there… right now?" Everyone starred back with a poker face in silence.
"Jesus Christ. Fine. But no crazy s**t this time Tony. Let's just see if the house and radar is still there." The boys paid their incredible tab and pilled into Nick's minivan. They parked by the familiar edge of Gavin's neighborhood and made their way through the trees and the dirt road.
"Look man I can see the radar," Gavin said with such high pitch excitement, he felt a twinge of embarrassment. The house was still there. This time there was less light. They argued mischievously on how far to go up as they cursed the familiar thorns, barbwire and the No Trespassing sign in their path.
"There it is man." Tony sighed.
"Ya know looking at it now, it doesn't really look like a radar." Phil said thoughtfully.
"Yeah it looks like a windmill or something." Laughed Nick. Gavin pulled out his last cigarette took a puff and passed it on to Tony.
"I still bet that thing is a secret radar," Tony said nodding his head. There was no sign of a dog and no one could remember how exactly far up the chicken coop would be. If there was any chickens now. Gavin looked briefly over at Nick, Phil and Tony. They looked strange. An awkward morph of rambunctious boys and matured men. "Well Gavin why don't you do the honors." Tony said pulling out the napkin note, with his eyes shining bright in the moonlight.
Dear Mad Scientist,
We decided to come back to see if its all still there. The four masterminds behind the operation six years ago made it home untouched by you, your dog and the cops. One of your chickens was kept in good hands. Thanks for the memories you crazy b*****d. You'll be missed.
The Epic Bricklayers.
Gavin placed the note on the base of the device. Tony placed the empty pack of smokes on top to keep it from blowing away. Phil chuckled and took of his blue poco-dot tie tying it near the note.
"I got tons of ties" was all he could say. Nick suddenly asked for the pen and simply wrote "I'm gay" near the bottom of the note. They all shared one last belly laugh. As they made there way back to the car Gavin thought about asking them all to sleep over and then laughed at the idea.
"Well guys I'm gonna walk home from here. It's been fun." Gavin said kindly shaking the hands of his three friends. He wondered if they would all be together again, as the mini-van slowly began to peel out. Tony suddenly began to howl madly just like he did that night.
"Ooooow! Yeah Gavy! Go Epic Bricklayers go!" Tony yelled with his head out the window in a youthful burst of energy. Gavin howled back at him till the car was out of sight. He decided to take the long way home.