Popular in Life and Death

A Poem by Gem Marie

So used to swimming but who am I kidding
The used to be scene doesn’t wanna be seen with me
Bleed out bathroom floor no more reflection
Correction
I don’t need the mirror to know who I am because I don’t wanna be her
And if there’s more to life please let me know
I'm getting clock sick both hands dance this trance is toxic
I’ll take the fault for letting you throw salt in my open wound
At least the incision will be a clean cut soon
Just like the doctor ordered who listens to the doctor’s orders
I got no oxygen, but turnin blue will teach me how to box again
It's just how I am, and I don’t have to aim I guess it comes with the fame
Number one on the list f*****g solar eclipse
Left me with chapped lips and a crisp clutch fist who likes getting hit
But even I know its split
With no banana flavor how come there’s no such thing as everybody’s savior
I'm not much of a believer I’m a dreamer with cold visions that need an electric heater
I don’t travel with, I travel for change so forget about coins for the parking meter
If I say I am I am, I do what I say I will, and whatever I want I capture it and keep it still
Inside my chest I keep the heat burnin, on top like a stove I’m no president Hove, but I’m always on to the next

These stones were never set I want bones like steel that’ll teach my heart not to feel.
I can’t close my eyes without thinking my dreams are real.

So much for sorting through the shattered view that has piled up to my knees
Just to find peace yeah I'm still trying to find peace
Only I can let my insides burst me
Born in rare form I'm never not thirsty
For something greater
Enough holes in me I match a cheese grater, label me holy
But this is the last thing I want to be a part of so please let go of me slowly
It's been high tide for a while now so I'll hold my nose while I drink to the cow
My weak stomach gives birth again I'm allergic the thought of milk makes me sick
Or maybe it’s the whiteness that I've grown impartial
No one wants to be caught leaning unless you own a hammock sitting slick building house inside an arsenal
Trigger fingering got that glock metal lingering it's all habitual until you learn how it feels to finally feel full
Just let the blackness fade into clear cut jade and pull
I've got a permanent headache for dealing with people that are all so fake
I will forever always be popular in life and death because I don’t let anything get to me like how I walk into a classroom and automatically get a C
I’m an athlete
Sit round table with no front seat
But hold up that makes everyone equal
Well that’s the biggest bull I’ve ever heard
And here they are shaking their heads as if none of this ever occurred
I care just as much as those shot gun criers
Who get B’s and wanna yell Fire
It's all come down to a competition with ink that's been weighted
On parchment we have all been sedated
Since when do we need to be told we're above the average that they faded
Without an A in sight I'm still the baddest I've had it impolite
I am the A-team top flight I bet my life that I shut it down
down
down
I'm the only one around who works harder than all of them combined
but I’m not the bragging kind
Yeah keep running that game grade based on a first and last name
I’ve got long sleeves with tricks you wouldn’t believe
For those of you who chose to leave you never even showed up
If ya haven’t yet left you probably don’t even know what’s up
So I'll tell you what’s down
Congratulations you just met my sound that never did it for you well now you’re done because it just did you
Full blast
Allergic to coming in last, write me a script carbon monoxide gas
You know I'm something you could never be
So hand back my masterpiece so I can take the red mark critic lightly
It’s that Northern style
Now known to make Southern hospitality seem plain vile
They say I got too much radiance to be acting this cold
I mean business man cause I’m higher up than your business man
I make that green turn gold, I’m so hot I make the pavement tan
I handle the rock, got the streets so locked they’re beggin for sand
Cause I'm my own boss flow sicker than a couple of bars fiendin the beat
Excuse me I’m not a BAR BIE, I told you your plastic can't suit me
I’m a STAR loaded with that shooting debri
I get brought back down crumbling in thousands and twos I was caught stumbling
I’m all about the number I wear on my back
It’s all that I have, it's never gonna come back
You couldn’t hold a heavy heart without wanting to rip yourself apart
But I do it well and I can’t tell you how but that’s exactly what it feels like
I never saw it coming because we never thought it’d go
So I just remind myself how well I run this s**t like I'm on a pyramid
So high up I fly with the sphinx
Why does hate drop like a first name I think it’s time for those drinks
To turn off my brains so I don’t have to think about the chains that live inside our pulsating veins
Is it even sane to chase the sun
Silver studded rain runs
But I won’t let it run down me
Nobody is allowed to doubt me but the glaring gun
Lie to me, and I'll let myself crown me